Hi Sophie, creed said everything I was going to say to you! Of course you are resentful and you sound exactly like me with the "HOW's and WHY's" of the entire situation.
You may never know why he doesn't see the kids...why he doesn't feel the need...it may be because he is selfish or he is so guilty that being around is family is causing him anger. NOW, he will not admit that he is guilty, he may not even realize it but you are a reminder of happy times.
My H and I were S six months, not a long time as many on this board will tell you. I think my H's MLC started with the birth of our second D. I had no idea...H was acting fine, we lead very busy lives so our M did not come first.
We had gone on a weekend vacation with my oldest D and neice...H did not say two words all the way there. That night I asked him what was wrong and he said he wasn't happy. That was it, we came home the next day and he left.
This was the week before Christmas. Within two weeks, after snooping (ugh) I found out about A. I think it was fairly new...going on maybe a couple of weeks before he left. I think the guilt of the A got to him so much that he had to leave.
Then he turned nasty, If you read my post you can see all the obnoxious things he did. He moved in with OW immediately...The only thing I thank him for to this day is never bringing my girls around her.
I agree with you! I found it so much easier when H didn't call, I used to me mad at him but then I realized that I could do nothing about it. Unfortunately, my MIL babysits one day a week for me so she would fill H in on the goings-on with the kids.
I started counseling immediately after H left, even before I found this site. My C was reality based and helped me right way understand that it takes two to make or break a M. I realized my part of the problem...not paying enough attention to us, not communicating...
This still does not justify that H could go and have an A. Anyway, I got served 3/07...we had only been S for four months. H was on a fast moving steam train to get our D over with! After I panicked for a few days I realized that I was doing it alone now, I could continue to do it alone and I would be fine.
We went to our 4-way L meeting 6/1/07 (ugh...a year ago today!) and I treated H like a business meeting. I put my foot down to things I did not want and I fought for things I needed. Believe it or not I didn't cry, not at all...until I got by myself in the car.
Rewind for a minute...(I am a rambler, sorry!) A few weeks before court I asked H to meet with me to discuss some minor settlement issues before court. H told me no, so I dropped it.( this is a 180 for me because I question, question, question) The Tuesday before court H called and said he would come over to discuss things with me. I was shocked but said ok. Talk about a Oscar winning performance! I had a list and I went down it one by one. If we started to argue we would go on to the next.
I did start to cry, couldn't help it. I just told h that I had accepted the fact that he wanted a D, I didn't, but I could not do anything about it. I told him I was sad for my family, and me because I liked being married to him.
Looking back now I remember H hesitating before he left the house. Like he wanted to say something and couldn't. about a week after court, did not hear from him at all...H showed up at D5's tball game. H said hi and started a conversation with me. He said he needed to talk to me. I told him anything that had to do with the settlement could be discussed with the L's. H said it had nothing to do with the settlement that he thought this M could work.
I was speechless...I asked him to please drive the girls home after the game and I left. I was in such shock and at that point I had been used to doing it alone, I was enjoying GAL and was ready to get this all behind me and start fresh.
H came over that night and we talked....actually I let him do all the talking. (as you can see, I talk and write ALOT) I told him trust for me was now a huge issue. H said he saw me going down a really good path in life and he felt he wasn't. H said he was screwed up for months and lived a "party" life style...
So today we are back together...we dated all last summer and went to weekly MC. H was all for it, when he first left he said he didn't need it...I did. Typical MLC.
So even though we were S only six months he did everything everyone else does really fast.
