Aussie Girl woth H doing his own thing

[One Day]

Essie; I hope you're still here!

I read your post and had a few comments. Sorry if this sounds a little direct- I'm having a direct day today!!

Thanks Lisa - you are such a good friend.

And so are you Ess! (((hugs!)))

Overall (based on today's feeling) I would love to start a new relationship with H. Sometimes I think that I am different enough now that our relationship would be great. Sometimes I'm not sure how much I imagined that he loved me - maybe it was really crap for him all along - and then it just seems easier to meet someone new and with everything that I have learned from DB have a fantastic new relationship.

Why would you think that he never loved you? Is this something from the bomb, or something H said? Or is it you going back and re-evaluating your view of the R based on H's *current* behaviour? If it's a more recent re-evaluation, I would caution against this- you guys were together for 7 years, which is a pretty long time to be with someone you never loved.....you must have both loved each other to be together....(?)

I cant commit to being committed to restoring our R though - its out of my control. It has to come from H....

Why does it have to come from H? Isn't a central tenet of DB that if one person changes, the other person will too? As far as I can tell, if you want your R you need to commit to doing something towards restoring it. I think if I decided that I couldn't commit to trying to restore my R with H, we would never have had the baby steps we have towards rebuilding something- as an MLCer, he is not going to decide to just work things out with me unless I make myself safe. Your H is MLC too, right?

Hmm mostly I'm detached - whatever is going on is up to him and no longer my problem to sort out, and I'm actually OK without him. But of course all interactions are still highly charged on the inside for me, even though on the outside I'm calm.

This is really interesting to me, and was what I was asking in my last post about whether you feel detached when you interact with H. I think that being highly charged on the inside when you interact with him shows that you aren't completely detached from the situation. You are obviously still emotionally attached to him (or you wouldn't care how the interactions go). Is this something you can work on more?

Until September I want to keep the door open to reconciliation - but I get impatient with just waiting, and am so hesitant to reach out, as Ive been disastrous with pursuing too much.

What happened that was disastrous? I'm really sorry but I can't remember. I think reaching out and pursuing are different- pursuing to me is constantly calling, asking for reassurance, pressure behaviour, initiating R talks. Reaching out is showing that you'd like to be a friend and that you're still there. You obviously as still there for H, so I don't see anything wrong with reaching out gently as a friend, along the lines that T has been. Maybe your H might react similarly?

So I sent the text message - will wait to see if there is any response. In the end I figured I really have nothing to lose.

YAY for this. I can't wait to hear what he says! Make sure you let us know!!!