I don't think it's desperate or pursuing at all- I think it's just being friendly.
Can I ask, why do goals for the R seem overwhelming?! I totally agree that your goal should be to be happy, but I'm still confused about what you want in terms of your R with H. If you want to be friends, I would reach out and see if that's going to be possible.
Would it be fair to say that you overall want to move on and meet someone else? I ask because sometimes I think it would be easier to move on and meet someone else, but then it's impossible for me to imagine being in a R with anyone other than H..... do you usually feel detached when you interact with H and unbothered by how it goes? Or does it still affect you?
It's really such a rollercoaster isn't it. I really think you're doing amazingly well though Ess!
