Hope4us struggle, part 4

[Hope4us]

You could very well be right Pup. I've had the same thought as you about her being pissed at my "saintliness". And I can see this as being a huge problem in our potential recovery. I sometimes feel that WW would rather go through a divorce that she doesn't really want than to admit to me she F'd up and my potentially saying "I told you so" to her. I mean, the first time she told me about OM and how he moved from job to job every couple years and his wife and kids live 1000 miles away I guaranteed her he "has women on the side". And she just kept tellling me she was a big girl and could handle herself.

Then she starts the affair and rewrites the martial history so she can feel better about herself, because it has to be real love or she wouldn't do it, right? But then OM cuts and runs once I expose to OMW and I expose WW's STD. And many times after D-day I would ask her if she really thought OM doesn't do this in every city he moves to and she'd just reply "I don't know" or "we don't talk about that". Of course you don't. And you're right (IMHO) about him ending it. I've mentioned it before, but I've seen TM's and some other evidence that she's wanted him to come up here at least two times and maybe three since January and he hasn't come. A couple of those TM's the enabler GF asked WW "What was his excuse for not coming up" and WW gave his excuse. The way the TM's were it was like the GF was asking what the excuse was "this time". All this would be consistent with what OMW told me about OM moving on as soon as his previous affairs were discovered.

So now WW has to fight the demons of possibly throwing a good marriage for her "soulmate" who convinced her he "can make you happy forever" but then cut an ran in typical wayward fashion AND then dealing with a LBS who she's discovered she has a problem with always being right.

So the question is, what do I need to do to show her the way back so she can figure out she wants to? Do I just continue what I'm doing? GAL, continue to do the things at home I've always done, continue to give her opportunities to do things with family and me individually? See, its like there are many times the last month or so where I'd ask her if she wanted to do something and she'd refuse, but I got the impression she refused, not because she didn't want to do it, but more because she's afraid she'll have a good time with me and that would just make her have to face her demons even more and it's just easier to hang onto the martial rewrite than actually enjoy herself with me and face the fact that she F'd up.

Ok, I know this has been rambling. But it's amazing Pup that I've been having these very thoughts the last week or so.

Advise on my path forward?