That is what is bothering me, about all of this is I think her love tank is being filled. She will sit and flirt with me, and do those things that say yes I would like to make love. Then about an hour before bed I start hearing the same things. Im so tired, my stomach is not feeling well so on so forth. Basically I think they are hints dont try anything buddy. I will bet that my resentment and such is showing through on this one. Im trying so hard to act as if and I dont think im doing to well:). So right now my game plan has changed. What I am doing now is Im will not talk about it expect it or anything like that. When we are in bed together I will not do anything that can be shown as wanting to make love so on and so forth. This is a 180 for me so I will see if it works to get me to my goals.
Yes right now I do use this board to vent it is a great place becuase I think If I said those things to my W that she would freak. Maybe that is the next step if this doesnt work.
Lee - If she doesn't feel well at night, then why not approach her in the morning? Or get her away for a romantic weekend? Could be problems with her health, libido, or depression that have nothing to do with you.
Ok I think im going to try that just suprise her with a over nighter at a nice hotel and a night out on the town. Talk to someone in my family to see if the can watch our D, I think that would be a really good suprise. Now I just need to find some money.
About the surprise part - does she LIKE surprises or hate them? I agree, if you let her know too much in advance, it might feel like pressure. But just be careful she's not one of those people who like advance notice about everything and don't like sudden changes in plans - if so, then give her some kind of warning, like "keep Saturday night free, okay?".
Also - I read somewhere that when dating, shared activities that involve adrenaline rushes (rollercoaster, scary movie, etc.) help make someone fall in love with you. Got anything like that available? Then dinner and EARLY to bed - don't get there at 11:00 pm and expect her to be raring to go
quote: -----------------------------------------------------------So right now my game plan has changed. What I am doing now is Im will not talk about it expect it or anything like that. When we are in bed together I will not do anything that can be shown as wanting to make love so on and so forth. This is a 180 for me so I will see if it works to get me to my goals. -----------------------------------------------------------
hey lee it's been awhile.....
just a few things that i've seen here. Your quote above is a really good idea, but then you change that to surprising her w/a hotel overnighter. Lee, The problem that i see is that your W may view a surprise overnighter as pressure to have sex and that may backfire. I think getting away is a great idea, but you may want to discuss this w/her before you spring it on her! I think the 180 still may work for you, just need patience here lee....
I have thought about that, i think that could also be part of the problem. Before the bomb we had talked about it and she was not receptive to that talk. Now I think maybe she soule be more receptive to that talk as long as it wasnt the same old talk that we have had before. I am looking into those things as well.
Scotty,
The whole overnighter thing would be a little down the road. I want to see how the 180 will work. If she is receptive on the 180, It will be approached as just a night out with out the kid. If she is not receptive to the 180 it will still be approached as a night out with out the kid . Which is always helpful to the sanity of parents.
Right now im in the monitoring stage of a 180 hopefully all will go well.
Well here we go again. W was out till 5am again. This is getting kind of tiresome. I woke up about 4:15 and went where is she? So walked through out condo she hadnt been home from work at all. Work gets out at 12:30am. The thing is that she has been talking for the last couple of days about having another child. When I woke up today and thought wow I am not going to have my W out all night while I watch 2 childern. I will not do it. so 4:30 rolls around and I text message my W and say where are you? I dont get anything back till about 5:15 all it says is downstairs. So im botherd(sp) by this. When she gets upstairs I say in an angry tone(bad dbing here) where were you. All she says is out. Could there be more of an open ended answere? So I say out where? Then she tells me she went out with some of her friends to breakfast and then went to play pool with a different friend. Then she says are you going to be controlling again? That kind of hit me from left field. I tell her this is not about control it is about curtesy(sp). that she should have let me know that she was going to be out. She said I tought you would be asleep. I said I dont think that makes a difference. I then told her I will not be staying home with 2 kids all night while my W is OUT with her friends. Im not going to do that. It really bothers me that this even happened. She acts like this is no big deal that oh I can go and do anything I want. which she is right she can. Which leaves me with other choices that I can make.
I am so mad that she called me controlling I just want to yell. I have worked very hard not to be controlling, I say something to her one time and I mean ONE time about her being out late and all of a sudden Im controlling. That just really burns me up.
I have worked so hard at this I really think I need a break. If any of you have words of encourgment I really could use them today.
Your W's staying out late must feel like a big step backward to you. No doubt you are feeling pretty frustrating by it after all your hard work.
I know that you feel that you have had enough, but do you think that you can just "lie low" for a little while and see if this was an isolated incident?
Quoting grislen: I tell her this is not about control it is about curtesy(sp). that she should have let me know that she was going to be out.
This one really hits home with me Lee. It must be one of those "Venus / Mars" things. In the past, I've explained to my W until I'm blue in the face that I am not trying to "check up" on her or control her in anyway by wanting to know where she is all the time. I just need to feel safe knowing that she's alright if she isn't home within an expected time. I also like to know that I'd be able to reach her in case of an emergency.
I'm not sure of the statistics, but I'd be willing to bet that there are more crimes against women than men. In the past, needing to know my W's whereabouts wasn't due to my distrust of her, it was my distrust of others. Now after finding out about my W's PA, I'll have even more concern for her whereabouts in the future.
Maybe some of you ladies out there can shed some light on this "controlling" behavior of us men.
- Mark
What goes around, comes around.
My sitch: "Third time's a charm?"
