I only read your first and last post but I wanted to chime in. It is still early in your DBing and in the process. They are just papers. Divorces take at least six months so use this time to keep on DBing. There are several people here who are in the midst of a D or even already D'ed. I was a WAW and I came back after 9months of being absolutely sure I no longer wanted to be married. Hang in there! Best of luck.
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
jonzy... WHOA!!!! Slow down man! Like HOPEFUL said it over YET, I don't hear any fat lady singing. She is speaking the truth, there are people all over these boards some are even just days away from their D's being final and they are still doing what they need to do.
Only you know when it's over in your heart, if that's your choice then so be it then you hold your head high, but I don't think that's what you want to do IMHO. As HOPEFUL said there is plenty of time to keep working on yourself.
Read the books man, they have a host of info that can point you in the direction. My W was sure that's what she wanted to do went to the lawyers I went to mine she moved out 2 weeks ago and she hasn't done anything more since then who knows what she is going to do, certainly not me, but I am getting to the point of knowing I will be okay without her. Sure it's scary it's the last thing any of us want, which all the more reason to detach, work on yourself, spend time with your kids, go out with friends become the man she fell in love with.
WAS have no direction they are running on anger and resentment, they are as lost if not more than the LBS. You haven't been at this very long Dbing is all about making yourself a better person,not so much for the WAS but for you so that you can know there is a future with or without them and becoming atractive to the WAS to make themselves start to question their decisions this has to be your focus YOURSELF.
Slow down take some time to let what has happened sink in, use the 48 hour rule, don't make a decision based on emotion. As I said in the end it is your decision and as long as you can respect yourself and feel you have done everything that you possibly could do then so be it but ask yourself that question, HAVE I DONE EVERYTHING???
I will check in on you tomorrow and see how you are doing it's going to be okay. I will see if I can get some more people over here to help.
Hey everyone just checking in. Decided not to drink and instead went out to dinner and then for some ice cream. Decided to take a drive around the valley and just lose myself for a little bit. Wife called me at 11 pm and at 2:30 am..wtf! I never answered any of them just wanted to have some alone time. She then calls me twice today and instead of answering her I texted her back and asked if everything was ok. She then calls again and asks if I can watch my son while she gets some shopping done. Of course I agreed because I jump at any opprotunity I get with my son.
And HiC you are correct the fat lady has not begin to sing yet. Hopefully I have enough time to help myself and my wife will have time to reflect upon herself and open her eyes to my sincerity.
Have to finish writing a 12 page paper on online predators. Due in 2 weeks and I have only 5 pages written :0 Hope you all had a good day today!!
jonzy, didn't forget you, busy day today D11 had a soccer tournament.
"Hey everyone just checking in. Decided not to drink and instead went out to dinner and then for some ice cream. Decided to take a drive around the valley and just lose myself for a little bit. Wife called me at 11 pm and at 2:30 am..wtf! I never answered any of them just wanted to have some alone time. She then calls me twice today and instead of answering her I texted her back and asked if everything was ok. She then calls again and asks if I can watch my son while she gets some shopping done. Of course I agreed because I jump at any opprotunity I get with my son."
YES good job. Find yourself EXACTLY work on you that's the key. IMO you raised some couriousity in W for whatever the reason you were less available your getting it. Detachment is the key. Don't be mean don't be rude it's about letting her know that you have more going on in YOUR life.
Work on that report, GAL, spend time with the kiddos, work on YOU!
Will check you latter man. Good positives going on keep it up.
I hate telling my son goodbye everyday when I should be the one to tell him goodnight every night. I hate being a part time dad Seems like all I do is cry, but have gotten better by not doing it in front of him.
Tonight pissed me off because I have the paper to write but my wife calls. She asks me if I would watch my son while she goes and buys a kitchen table and some other odds and ends. I say no problem she said she would be home around 9 or 9:30. Well 10:00 rolls around and she says that they are going to stop and get something to eat. Pisses me off that this is her weekend with him and she pulls this crap!!
I understand she doesn't want to be with me right now but don't take advantage of me! If it wasn't for my son I would have said no.
Can totally relate, since W left I HATE being a phone dad to D11. WAS's have no concept on their selfishness and what it does to everyone elses lives. But don't go down that cheeseless tunnel, not worth your time. When it comes to being available for the kids all else goes out the window.
In these types of situations document it if you can, write it down in a journal you have to CYA yourself if it comes to the worst this will help you in the eyes of the law. It's not being mean to W, it is looking out for what is best for your kids!
You really need to take a different frame of mind right now, not one of husband but as father, don't tell her you are doing this just do it please. Think of the kids and what is best for them nothing more nothing less.
Continue to work on yourself, have you gotten the books yet? If so read them and reread them, then you will get an understanding.
Stay calm, breathe, detach, work on yourself, be the man you need to be your doing okay. Get the crying under control, you can't show this side of yourself like I told you before, go somewhere else, go for a drive, go outside, go for a walk whatever it takes to not show it in front of W or kids.
Hey racefan I read in one of your other posts somewhere that you said you were from Nebraska? Is this correct? I am from Nebraska and we have been living in AZ for the last 6 years.
Today was the most amazing day ever! I woke up to the phone ringing and it was my wife. I didn't answer but when I finally came to I am like great here we go again, another day of misery.
So I go hop in the shower and do the normal routine where I start to think about my wife and what not. So I am sitting in front of the mirror shaving and just lost it. I looked at the person in the mirror and didn't like what I saw. I told myself that I am a better person and I am not going to let this misery take control of my life! I am a better person than this and enough is enough. So I finished shaving got on the phone and called some buddies and made a bunch of plans.
This saturday we are going to watch some bands play and have a guys night out. We then scheduled a trip to San Diego for my birthday which is over the 4th of July weekend. And the great thing is I stood up to my wife. She asked if I would be able to watch my son on saturday because she had plans. Sorry missy but I am going out, didn't really say that but I wanted to So she asked me where I was going but just said its a guys night out.
For some reason everything just dawned on me that ya my world came crashing down but it is not the end of the world. If my wife doesn't want to be with me there is nothing I can do to change her mind only show her what she is going to miss out on I have decided on a new attitude, DGAF which means Don't Give A F#$k!! Not saying I don't care or love my wife but I am just tired of feeling miserable and am not going to do it, I will have my moments but no one will see them.
Seems like all I do is cry, but have gotten better by not doing it in front of him.
So she asked me where I was going but just said its a guys night out.