Mishka's- new thread/new tude - H who?

[mishka422]

No major developments. Just strangeness all the way around!

Had a spa pedicure today and a haircut. I feel much better.

H has been texting me fun, flirty things lately. Nothing personal, just nice. He sent me a text about 30 minutes ago asking how my pedi was and I told him I had extra sexy toes now. He asked me what me and my sexy toes were doing and I told him we were just wiggling here and wishing we had some company. He just laughed about that one. I took a picture of them and texted them to him. He loved that. Said they looked good. I swear, if I didn't know him better I'd swear he had a foot fetish.

It's really late and I need to go to sleep so I can get up early for church but my mind is whirling. I went for the pedi with one of my friends from work. She has been married for 24 years and her husband treats her like the queen of sheba. She asked my why I didn't just get D and get on with my life since H obviously doesn't want our M anymore. I told her that it may seem obvious but it really isn't that simple. She can't grasp that at all. I was trying to explain to her the feeling of loneliness that being separated creates. I told her that it's a very odd feeling to be in a room full of people and feel lonely. Being alone and being lonely are two totally different things. She didn't understand that at all either. I finally said that being lonely stems from not having an emotional connection with anyone. Feeling like you are emotionally cut off from the world and there is no one who understands you like a mate does. She seemed to understand that description of loneliness more.

I know you fine people know exactly what I'm talking about. That darkness in your heart that exists in the hole that was left by your spouse. That kind of searing loneliness. I have a very large extended family who are all very close and friends who are here for me but it's just not the same. They aren't my soulmates. They love me but they don't LOVE me. I guess that's what I miss most. Just knowing that someone loves me passionately, deeply and intimately.

You are all so wonderful. Look what our spouses are missing out on. We're growing more now through these trials and they are missing the experience. Hopefully they will figure that out and decide to come back and reap the benefits of our hard work.

Ya'll have a good night!