girlfromipanema's story continues 3

[smith18]

If I was a girl and felt down, I think a good old Helen Reddy would sure boost my spirits... http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7561785886558721788&q=helen+reddy&ei=Oh1CSLnUOaHoqgOE-s3xCA

[smartcookie]

Today is the first day I've cried in so long. Not bad, just a few tears. I'm pretty sure PMS has something to do with it. I just feel a little lonely for my marriage. It's so empty. Blech.

I was reading another thread, the one asking what rejection will make you do... she basically assumed their marriage had a non-verbal agreement to exist without a sexual relationship and she thought they were both fine with it. Anyway, the husband had an affair, but now he wants to work on the marriage. The wife is very angry and having a hard time forgiving, etc. I don't think the affair was justified, but I can understand why it happened. Six years in a sex starved marriage... I can't even imagine. I haven't even been married that long. ANYWAY, the whole thing got me thinking and analyzing.

I've always TRIED really hard to be a good wife. Home cooked meals every night. Lots of head and back massages, lots of praise, lots of EFFORT put in to my marriage. Am I so inadequate that it's not really worth trying to save us? It's frustrating to try to articulate what I'm feeling. My words do not flow effortlessly. Ack. Trust me, I know I haven't been perfect. I've made many mistakes. TONS and tons of mistakes. But I've really tried to be a great wife.

I gotta get in the shower. I'll check in with everyone later. Hope you all have a happy day.

Sending warm thoughts your way. You sound like a total sweetie, & he's a fool if he doesn't appreciate you. Hugs

[LL44]

Crying is ok. Its a nice release at times. PMS does it to me every month.

I also thought I was a very good wife as well. But I see now that I did what *I* thought was things a good wife did, and glossed over what H actually needed. I spread myself too thin, trying to make others happy, but ended up shorting everyone, including myself. Have you ever read Gypsy's "bread basket" analogy? I'll try to find it for you.

You are doing great. Its normal to miss your marriage. Its such a huge part of our lives for so long.

[karen43]

GFI, where are you? Hope you are feeling better??? I am having a better day too, today. I guess it's good to just realize we will have our good days and not-so-good days! Karen

[Sugar and Spice]

Hey Ms. GFI, I just wanted to stop by and see how things were. Its ok to cry sometimes. It cleanses the soul and releases some of the pressure build up.

I hope things are going better today and that you had a good weekend.
Corey

[girlfromipanema]

Thanks everyone. Yep, it was PMS stirring up my emotions. Also, my H is working on a huge project at work. When he's focused on something, he is very quiet and it spills over at home. I think him being more quiet than usual was affecting me. His interactions later in the day were nice. Things are still the same. We remain in limbo. He needs to get through this project and then I'm sure he'll assess where he is with his feelings and ability to forgive me. I doubt he wants to continue in limbo indefinitely. In the meantime, I will continue to be my adorable, wonderful self. Wink wink.

[Gypsy]

It's good to see you again, ms imp!

I just have one (1) comment.

You keep talking about him forgiving you.

We all make booboo's.. some bigger than others. There's asking for forgiveness, then there's carrying around guilt. You know what guilt is: "The gift that keeps on giving."

So, sweetie pie.. I hope that you're chucking the guilt, or not holding onto it when you speak of forgiveness.

And you are oh so adorable, wonderful and winky!

*hugs*

PS.. how is the painting, kayaking going?

[girlfromipanema]

So, sweetie pie.. I hope that you're chucking the guilt, or not holding onto it when you speak of forgiveness.

I feel like I've completely forgiven myself for hitting him. I am not proud of myself, and I regret it more than anything, but I don't feel guilty about it for the most part. He says he's glad that I've forgiven myself, but he needs to forgive at his own pace. One thing about my H, he can hold on to a grudge indefinitely. He has a "if you're not with me, you're against me" mindset. Very rigid in his thinking. It's something I admire and something I loathe.

PS.. how is the painting, kayaking going?

I finished my first (ever) painting on Saturday. I'm not that pleased with certain aspects of it and would like to correct some of it. The parts I'm not happy with are parts my teacher helped me paint. To me, the perspective is off and the technique/style doesn't match the rest of the painting. I just don't want to tell her I don't like that part because she did most of it! I'm looking forward to starting something new. Lake kayaking in the Sierra Nevadas is just two weeks away!

[LL44]

Continue on with your adorable self. Glad you are feeling a bit better!

[gForce]

Lake kayaking in the Sierras - sounds awesome! Are you close enough to them that it's a day trip? If so, I'm jealous. I've kayaked some lakes around here, but I bet the scenery just doesn't compare. I went out on the ocean by Acadia National Park once which was great - if you ever come this way, I'll take you!