Is it summer, or is there a piecing melt-down going on?
Lee, I can so relate to the impatience and the not seeing changes and feelig like we are the only ones doing the work. I could vent for at least five pages here, but I read other people's situations and gain strength from their patience and understanding of their spouses.
So only advice is dig deep and look at all the good in your W and think only loving thoughts about her. Some days they are harder to find, but should find some to put a smile on your face.
Hi Lee~ Catching up with you. It is tough when things move forward so slowlee, not to want so much more. (I've gotten a little taste of this myself lately , and it takes soooo much patience.) You have come so far, though. The fact that your W is being more physically affectionate is a big thing, IMHO, although maybe in some ways being closer phisically, but not having more intimacy is tougher. Dig down deep for some more patience. Have you looked back at some of your initial goals? This seems to help sometimes seeing how far I've come. Also, could you manage to work out more? It seems to help your PMA. And I know working out at the gym isn't the same as having sex, but it has some of the same physiologic effects on the body, so maybe could help you feel better until your W is ready for more????? As you say, just my two cents . Maybe I'm just nuts! Anyway, thinking of you and your family ~ Hang in there ~
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Lee, I was reading over my sitch (why? don't know) and noticed you were the first person to EVER post to me! Just want to thank you for all the help you have given me. Keep praying for us. Thanks a bunch. Hope you are having a great weekend with your W.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Well I thought I would update on this. The last week was ok it was kind of up and down. W and I seemed to be in not bad moods but not great moods either. W kept asking me if I was mad at her and stuff all week. Really I wasnt but maybe down deep there was somthing but I really can pin point it. The thing is It didnt ruin our weekend. Friday we just kind of hung out. Saturday was good also we went out to the clubs and such.
I finally met the 20 somthing that she hung out with while she was crazy. which was a big step for my W. I dont think that she wanted me to meet her to badly. She seemed pretty nice. I danced for 2 hrs. Holy cow am I sore from doing that.
Sunday was also good was just a down day. We hung out watched some TV and went to the IL's had some lunch and had a good time. On sunday it was good we were talking a lot again and things seemed to be back to normal.
Hi Lee! Sounds a little like you have a bit of resentment for the hurt she has caused you. I think it is normal if that is what it is. Hang in there and great for you to meet the friend- 2 hours of dancing sounds like a good therapy! thanks for the support on my thread- I really appreciate it Shay
So I have ran into a tough strech as of the last 2 days. I really dont know what to do. Lately I have been having these thought why should I put up with this. We have money problems. Which is making me crazy. Yet the only reason we have problems is becuase for 3 months W didnt work or do anything. Now all I hear is her whining about how far we are in doubt. I just want to say maybe if you hadnt been so stupid that we would have these problems. I know that is harsh but that is the way im feeling right now.
I am also feeling like do I really want to keep putting up with all of this. Im being rejected all the time by her for intamicy. We have all these issues to work out and nothing is being solved. I feel like I have put everything I have into this and its just not working. I also feel like why do I want to be with some one that wont show me the affection that I need. I wonder to myself why she is so inconsiderate. I just want her to do these things and they arent happening.
I really need to go back to the beginning and open my beginners mind and really start setting goals again. Right now im just not sure what to set. So I guess i have some hard work ahead of me. Anyway I have to go to bed.
Lee, I hear your frustration. I know how you are feeling. I am there with you. My PMA has been nonexistant lately... and I don't feel like doing this anymore. Of course, if I look at the alternative, I don't want to file for D either.
On the one hand you are frustrated, but on the other hand you say you do want to do this. Is there any way to go to C together? Is there anyway to talk to her about this? Can you talk to her in terms of how she was feeling so distant from you before, and now you feel distant from her? And that you don't want to feel that way? Would this work with her or drive her away? What are her intimacy issues? Is is a power thing? Try to be brave and talk to her in a nonconfrontational way. Is there another time of day that she likes intimacy better? I know you said the morning was good. Maybe she just doesn't understand how important this is to you, maybe she does and kind of holds it over you. I don't know. I do know you need to work with her on this. Let her know your feelings.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I haven't been around in a while and wanted to check in. Sounds like you need a little two by four here Lee! I do agree with holdingon but would like to add some things.
Seems everytime I check on you you are complaining about the same thing (sex). It's good to vent here but I was wondering if maybe some of that isn't coming through w/your W? Frustration and maybe a little resentment are hard things to hide.I know you have every right to feel the way you do but maybe you need to go back to DB basics and put yourself in W's place.
Is she feeling pressured from you to have sex?? From a womens point of veiw, pressure to have sex does not make you want to anymore at all!It's the same with everthing- the more pressure the less you want to. It takes all the fun out of it. Maybe she's not getting what she needs from you to feel loved? Sex for most women is more about feeling loved then just sex (IMHO)Its a way to express love but you have to be getting your tank filled first. What fills your W's love tank?
You said "I just want her to do these things and they aren't happening" So what can you do to change that?? Have you been going down cheeseless tunnels with this? Maybe you should reread DR and get some ideas.
I also wanted to echo what holdingon said- you were the first person to post to me also and I can't thank you enough for all the help and support you gave me! Good luck Lee- I'm thinking good thoughts for you!
, and it takes soooo much patience.) You have come so far, though. The fact that your W is being more physically affectionate is a big thing, IMHO, although maybe in some ways being closer phisically, but not having more intimacy is tougher. Dig down deep for some more patience. Have you looked back at some of your initial goals? This seems to help sometimes seeing how far I've come. Also, could you manage to work out more? It seems to help your PMA. And I know working out at the gym isn't the same as having sex, but it has some of the same physiologic effects on the body, so maybe could help you feel better until your W is ready for more????? As you say, just my two cents 
. Maybe I'm just nuts! Anyway, thinking of you and your family ~ Hang in there ~