What a waste of a day. I slept on and off. Missed my kids. I checked and read the boards here. I thought about the sitch. I watched a thunderstorm roll in and out. I ate whatever jumped out at me (2 bowls of cereal, some leftover chinese, 5 samoas cookies). I read countless craigslist ads. Stayed in my pjs all day. Let the dog in and out. Sat on my a$$.
My anniversary. What used to be one of the most special days in my life, the rememberence of the day we first met, then married 6 years later. 22 years in each other's lives.
MIL stopped over a few times, and son ran in to pick up sneakers he had forgotten to bring to his dad's (it was nice to get the unexpected hug), but other than that, I didn't reach out to anyone, talk to anyone. Just didn't feel like it. No one called.
I slept through the 7 pm call time we usually honor, each of us taking that time to talk to the kids and wish them a good-night if we aren't with them. It is too late now--the first time I missed it, ever, and I feel bad about that. He would never forget or miss it.
I feel like that scene in Back to the Future, when the kid is onstage, sagging down and simply disappearing because the past has been changed. I need to find the, something, that snaps me back to being whole again.
Depression without the desperation? Well, at least I'm not crying. I simply took up space today.
I kept thinking that stbx was the one who needed a shaking. I think maybe it is me. My head was going in so many different directions over the past week; maybe I just needed a time-out.
OK, did that. Plans for tomorrow:
Up at 7 to take my time getting ready (bath instead of shower, indulge a little). 9:30--noon Church lunch out? Home to bless the house (vacuum, dust, put on a load of laundry) Buckle down to homework for a few hours Mow the lawn Kids back home
