I didn't realize I locked my thread. I wasn't even close to 21
Where to begin...as Kalni noticed, I'm calmer these days. It is as if I have found a sense of inner peace. I'm sure there will come a day when the tears and panic come back, but for now I'm ok with it being over. I don't want to continue on with H the way things are and have been. My H has being friendlier and more caring since I went dark for the few days last week. My T did say that often when a couple is going through a D they feel closer because the pressure is off.
Today was H's day with the Ds. At some point I sent a text to see if he was taking the Ds to church. H called me to say no, they wanted to wait till tomorrow. I told him I was out spending his money at a high end store. Amazingly he asked me to look for a particular item for him. I guess I should have been angry and should have said no. I know he would have taken that as me being nasty. I ended up finding the item and he appreciated it.
While I was on the phone he said he planned on taking the Ds to dinner and I was welcome to come. Again, I should have said no, at least my T would say so. I did tell him I didn't want to intrude on his time with them and he said I wouldn't. So I went to dinner with him and we all had a good time.
When leaving tonight I got a rub on the head...same thing the dogs got, but at least he touched me
R 23 years M 20 years Bomb June 2007 S Oct 2007 Ds 11 & 16 Ds and I moved out Aug. 2008
I don't know. If he initiates the contact, then doing little things to reconnect is probably not a bad plan. Though, probably not every time. So, maybe next time, you can't. I don't think what you did today hurt. And it might have helped. When you found the item for him, you showed him the kind of person you are. He had to notice that!
"I don't want to continue on with H the way things are and have been."
When you find a way to make that happen.. you let me know. I want to get in on the patent for it. Me and you will be rich!!
"While I was on the phone he said he planned on taking the Ds to dinner and I was welcome to come. Again, I should have said no, at least my T would say so. I did tell him I didn't want to intrude on his time with them and he said I wouldn't. So I went to dinner with him and we all had a good time."
Last I checked.. thats what it is all about. Divorced or not. Good for you.
"When leaving tonight I got a rub on the head...same thing the dogs got, but at least he touched me"
my H never admitted the A. NEVER. It has been just a "new" friend that he talks to. Lately, when I confronted him with the phone call and the present he bought her, he denied it again, not as strong as before, maybe because I was smiling and laughing and asked if she liked her present...
Very difficult to progress if the OW is still lingering. Nonethelees some positives ..... your husband seems to be reacting to you going dark...keep it up (maybe a little more darkness). Never show your anger and keep doing the little things that he hopefully appreciates (do them with a smile even though you feel like telling him to you know what). Maybe you should have said no to dinner (DB tactic) but you had a good time and you got a pat on the head.... I see nothing but positives in what you wrote above. Keep it up.
Forrest, Thanks for not confusing me and for starting my day with a laugh.
Kalni, My H still refuses to admit that his friendships are EAs. I know they have both told him ILY in text. I know I tell my male co-worker/friends that all the time. Anyway, I was talking to a friend yesterday and told him that I think they just continue to stroke H's ego. That is something I wasn't doing so I guess that is why he doesn't want to give them up. I'm sure at least one of the ugly Bs will be out of town on business with him this week, so I will be feeling your pain.
John, I was going to tell H no to dinner and I know it is the DB thing to do. However, he is leaving town today on business and I didn't want him leaving town with a bad feeling towards me. I guess I'll be going semi-dark since he will be out of town. He won't be seeing me and I won't be calling him. We will see if he uses my phone or the Ds to call. If he uses mine I'll keep it short and pass the phone.
R 23 years M 20 years Bomb June 2007 S Oct 2007 Ds 11 & 16 Ds and I moved out Aug. 2008
Not a lot of action today, H is out of town. H called on the Ds phone on the way to school and around dinner time and talked to me a little. He tried calling my phone later tonight, but I think that was because D missed a call he made on her phone. I missed the call too, but I didn't call back. I figure he was just calling to tell them gnight and I didn't see the call until they were in bed.
I painted my bedroom ceiling and the first coat on the walls. Loving the color and I hope to finish tomorrow. I wonder what H will have to say.
R 23 years M 20 years Bomb June 2007 S Oct 2007 Ds 11 & 16 Ds and I moved out Aug. 2008
