Lee, It sounds a little like your W and you kinda got caught up in the daily routine and for your W it became a rut she wanted to break out of. Nothing wrong with that. Every one needs to do a fun activity every now and again. How bout once a week make a suggestion to do something out of the ordinary. Try to be spontaneous and surprise her with it. Doesn't have to be something spectacular ... a walk in the park ... feeding the birds ... watching the sunset. Going to a carnival or flea market. Just a way to enjoy spending some time together that's a little different from the normal routine.
Lee, Thank you for your kind words on my thread. I don't feel like I rock. I feel pretty helpless and low. One day things seem good, then today another low day. I don't even know what my H is thinking any more. Is he ever coming back? Is he ever getting rid of OW? Anyway, thanks again.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Good Morning Lee ~ Thanks for stopping by my thread. It's always nice to hear from you. Sounds like overall things are well with you from the little bit I was able to read today. Keep up the patience and being caring with quality time and some fun stuff to do (good suggestions above, IMHO) and things will continue to get better and better. I think the convo about how each of you feels loved is a big thing. Thanks for your suggestions for me ~ I've written more on my thread. Hang in there, you are doing so well.
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Quoting grislen:Im now thinking though that I cant keep being there for her when ever she feels that she needs to freak out and be different. Pull away from me and supposedly be herself. Now I basically let her do her own thing. I have come to the conclusion that she has to learn these things for herself.
Your W and my W seem to be on the same mission Lee.
For my W, it's the fact that she is looking for a part of herself that was lost years ago. My W has had to be a responsible parent and W since she was 19-20 years old. She's now trying to recapture those years, but without all the responsibilities that go along with being a parent and W. Once my W is able to experience those years, and enjoy the "thrills" of being "21", she'll be ready to continue on as an adult. My W keeps thanking me for my patience and understanding, as we both know this will take some time. My W still doesn't wear her wedding ring, so I know she's not yet ready to be a W again. It doesn't bother me in least as I know in my heart that "our day" will come.
Lee, I feel that you and I are lucky that our W's are having an "affair with themselves" rather than an OM. It still hurts, but in the end, I truly believe our Ws will return to us with a feeling that they are a whole person. Only then will they be able to grow with us without ever looking back again.
As for "The Five Love Languages", I do my best not to "force" anything on my W. Once my W decided she wanted to get back with me and we started to spend time together, all I did was tell my W that I appreciated the fact that she was "filling my love tank". She looked sort of puzzled as she asked what I was talking about. I explained the 5 different love languages to her and she wanted to learn more. My W asked me if she could borrow my copy, and now says it's one of the best reads she's ever come across.
- Mark
What goes around, comes around.
My sitch: "Third time's a charm?"
Has she started to hold your hand more? Did you get across to her that physical touch doesn't have to always mean sex? She seems a bit scared and hesitant about all this.
I liked KAW suggestions. Once a week do something and surprise her with it. See how she responds. Her statements also gave you clues to different LL. Can you do one small thing each day that fits into that new LL -- kind of like the book where the one person brought home a very small gift each evening, see how she responds to something along those lines? She if her behavior towards you is different?
I havent posted to my thread in a while so I thought that I would update everyone on my sitch. Things seems to be going ok. A couple of days ago we had an arguement about the stupidest thing. Anyway it was over in like 2 minutes. After 5 mins. things were back to normal. Where before we would have been mad at each other for hours. I think that is good progress.
Since we had our talk about the LL my W seems to have put more effort into touching me and such so that has felt very good.
Yesterday we went to a family renuion and were outside all day. We were all sweety and dirty on our way home I suggested that we shower together(something we havent done in ages) and she said sure sounds great. I wish I could say that one thing led to another but alas we can't be spontanous with intimacy yet. The thing was instead of me getting upset I just let it go and the night went ok anyway. So that was nice.
Anway all seems go be going well hope everyone else is haveing a good weekend.
Lee, I am glad things continue to go well and I am especially glad that you are seeing them as going well. You are really growing in your relationship. Thank you for your wonderful words, poem and song on my thread. As hard as it is, I do think I am doing the right thing. And I definitely keep praying.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
So last week things are fine going good even this week things have been going good. But today I dont know what it is but I am so D@mn sick of all of this. Lately my W has been flirty and stuff like this but then when it comes to being intimate she just rejects me. She doesnt iniate anything, I have been handling this rather well as of lately untill today. I am so F-ing sick of this game I cannot even stand it. Right now I know when I calm down that things will be ok. I am just Venting right now because If I dont vent here then I will vent at my W and D and that is not good. I just need to go and work out by myself. Get away from my W today.
Now that Im slowly chilling out what can I do. I think that right now we are closer than we have been in a really long time but I still get left out in the cold. If you all couldnt tell this is really a big deal to me. Right now I just dont know what to do.
