Like BND says, it's different for everyone, so I can only relate what my H went through.
I don't believe that my H is completely out of his cave yet. However, he is a much improved version of the MLC madman that he was for 2-1/2 years.
His first "hit bottom" call broke a 5 month period of no contact between us. It was very late at night. He couldn't talk. I knew he was crying. The next several calls were also late at night, and he expressed deep remorse for what he had done to me and the kids. He said he wanted to die, didn't deserve to live. I was very concerned that he might take his life, and I did a lot of praying during that period of time.
During his times of distance, I felt he did a lot of thinking. I don't think he liked the "new" self that he had become, and he punished himself by doing a lot of drinking. He drank to forget what he had done. He got two DUIs during one particularly bad week.
Now he has quit drinking. He's more like his old self. He's getting there, but not out of the woods yet. It can be a long process.
