That is what I am kind of worried about. The problem is I cant continue to touch her and cuddle and keep my sanity. For me its like being in a desert(sp) and some one giving you some water and then telling you not to drink it. So What I will do is continue to spend quality time, and do things with my W. I just wont be cuddling as much and I think I will let her iniate holding hands and such.
Well Just thougt I would update a little not a whole lot going on in my sitch. I have pretty much decided to change old behaviors. Before with all of this, my W turning me down to be intimate would have really made me mad for a long time and I would have taken it out on her. Now Im just letting it roll off of my back as best I can.
Anyway, W came to bed this morning and I was actually just getting up to go to work. She said ILY. That caught me completely off gaurd. It is only the second time she has said that to me with out me saying it first. So I said I love you back and gave her a kiss on the cheek and went to work.
That was so very nice to hear, so it has helped brighten up my day.
That's great! I think the ILY's are a big baby step for sure. IMHO it shows your W is feeling more comfortable expressing herself and opening up to you - this is good. You are doing a terrific job "doing something different" w/regard to the physical stuff. Back a few posts ago, you talked about changing your response to her (you came here and vented and then were able to be more loving w/her) and the wonderful affect it had. You know what to do, and are doing a great job with the patience and showing her you love her. You are such a good example and have come so far. Hang in there ~
Thank you for posting on my thread - you made me laugh Thinking of you ~
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
You know Lee, she probably feels that you are letting her have it as a result of turning you down. I think it is great if you can let it roll off your back. It will come, believe me, I know our sex life is a 180 from last year. Keep doing what you are doing, if she is relaxed and happy, she will be more likely to initate things or respond to you.
Wow Lee great info for you from the ladies. It cant feel forced or anxious I agree. When she feels closer to you, it will happen easily. I still think women are more mentally connected before "meaningful" sex can occur. How about setting the mood more often? Music or wine or talking ?? Maybe she doesnt feel attractive at times? I think you are the perfect candidate for the new Michele book!! Just dont let W see it yet! Shay
I think I am to I need to get it the SSM but I just have been lazy! Which I shouldn't be but im going to for a couple of more days because it is nice not constantly thinking about this.
I really would like to get everyones thoughts on this. How to get our SO's to start speaking our LL's. While I have found that my W LL is quality time. What I have done is starting spending that quality time. My question is how DO we as the ones who also need love get our Spouses to Start speaking to us so that we feel loved.
At this I feel lost I have been trying to praise the things she does that makes me feel loved. That does not seem to be working at this point in time. Anyway what are all of your opnions.
Quoting grislen: At this I feel lost I have been trying to praise the things she does that makes me feel loved. That does not seem to be working at this point in time. Anyway what are all of your opnions.
Lee
what's your LL?
How long have you been noting and appreciating it when she does something loving for you?
Are you only praising the things she does "in your ll" or are you noticing the loving things she's doing in other languages, too?
more questions than answers from me, I guess!
sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Well What im seeing from my W is her giving out love in her LL. Calling me on the phone, Talking with me when she comes to bed, Comeing out to lunch with me, Spending lots of time on the weekends with me. Stuff like that.
My LL is Touch, I just havnt figured this out. Im just wondering what everyone needs and how they are getting it from there S.
Thinking of you ~ 