and this is the one I was working on....have to get to work. Yes I work saturdays....feel sorry for me???
Bworl
Bill..first let me say, I am truly sorry that things did not work out for you and your wife. That is a perspective that I need to hear, as much as I don't want to. It makes my commitment to change even stronger.
Then let me tell you...thank you for reading my story and getting in on this thread. You do truly understand, I think because our stories are so similar, what I have done and my goals.
The basic argument that was going on between you and Puppy can be settled simply. You were about 90+% right with your take on the situation.....
I treated my wife poorly for most of our marriage. There were good times and bad, but I have come to realize as time went on, the good times were not really good for her. She was just there, with a smile on her face and an empty feeling in her heart.
People remember things differently and sometimes make it seem worse then it really was, I know....but these last 2 months, I have really been able to step back and see things from her perspective and see what she went through.....see myself in another light, and hear the words I said.
The quotes you pulled form my story tell it well and I think describe us both honestly. She is not a saint, but close.
...and I will get to the princess thing, eventually.
No, I never physically abused her.....we had some knock down drag out arguments, but let me tell you, my wife is not a fighter...it was me doing all the yelling. She hates confrontation, she hates yelling and when she gets to that point, it has been building for a long time....in the 20yrs we have been together, I can count on one hand the times I heard her raise her voice or yell....a couple of times at me and maybe a couple at my daughter.
There were things she wanted that we could not have, physical things, and I faulted her for that sometimes. I also take most of the blame for not having goals that enabled us to have in our lives the things that we both wanted...to realize our dreams that we talked about when we first met. Dreams that were so similar...that made that initial bond.
Dreams that I now realize, she gave up on because of me. Dreams that I am now scrambling to make come true in too short a time.
Then some one will say "why didn't she have her own goals that allowed her to have those things?".
Because I didn't let her have that independence....everything had to go through the "king of the castle"...we can't afford that...not this month, not now, wait until next year..blah, blah, blah....tomorrow never comes.
..and when she tried, it was not good enough for "Mr. Perfect"....that was the demanding, critical, condescending guy who used to come out when the insecure guy was sleeping.
It sounds so simplistic to me, but it comes down to the comments that were going back and forth with you and Puppy and SG.
I DID NOT TREAT HER AS THOUGH I CHERISHED HER.
With apologies to Puppy, she WAS a gift from God and she IS a princess.
I am sure if we get down to it, we will find that our definition of "princess" is completely different and that is why we disagree with how they should be treated.
I am not, and will never be a doormat...and hate the thought that I may have treated my wife as one.
Let me say one more thing about the princess deal....through all of this we are going through...you guys have the story down pretty good by now....I have stepped up and am doing probably more than my share around the house.....my "princess" was up before me twice this week, ironing my clothes before work.
Sounds like something silly to think about, but she always did that for me...mostly because I have that "man gene" that prevents me from actually making the clothes look like they have been ironed.
After the talk, that all stopped...not because she did not want to do it, but because I felt like as ass letting her do it.
I am babbling now and have to get back to work....sorry for the long post...you guys got ahead of me and I still have so much to say and respond to.
