Yes, my W has crossed WAY too many moral lines. She is a mess and there is no cure for her in the near future. She has to hit bottom before she'll ever begin to look inside of herself and I am starting to think the finalized D and loss of control over our D5 may be the only thing that gets her to that point.
I too think there are many ladies out there for me who will truly be my partner and ally through thick and thin. I'm growing more and more pessimistic about my chances of a continued life w/ my W every day.
I know the book says that you have to be prepared for your partner to completely leave for good if you go dark, and I just haven't been ready for that until now. I've wanted to go dark, but couldn't bring myself to do it.
I spoke w/ my sister last night and she said "I don't want this to come across as negative, but I'm glad to see you are finally expressing some anger here. You've been so careful to take the high road that I've been worried that you haven't allowed yourself to get really mad."
It is about time I get pissed off over what is going on. I don't want my anger to consume and drive me, but I am tired of being the stand up guy and taking everything she's throwing at me. Now, I don't have to retaliate, but I can choose to ignore them instead. That is what I will continue to focus on - only answer information about D and keep things very, very simple. No need to defend or explain. Simple yesses and nos will suffice.
I really have come to love everyone here on this site. We are all good people, warts and all, who only want to see the best in everyone come through. Some of our situations are fixable and it is so encouraging to see people moving toward successful busting of divorces. However, there are others of us who may not be able to save our M's, and that is ok. This site has the hope of saving all M's, but it also is here to help us save ourselves regardless of what happens in the M.
I couldn't have been able to do any of this w/out you all. Even the "lurkers" who don't post are important b/c they send off good thoughts and energy to us all.
I guess I just want to say, thanks. I know I can't ever repay everyone personally, but I can stay here on this site and continue to pay it forward as a tribute to all you've done for me.
