No worries, my friend. I didn't think you were harsh. I thought you were spot on. I was being a bit sarcastic in saying "shame on me for thinking I had a life partner here." It is sobering, but I'm ok w/ it. It is difficult, but you are all right on. I've got to go as dark as possible.
Frank is right that she needs to learn what it is like to not have me around, so that is where I'm headed next. Phoenixdeaux said it well - "what have you got to lose?" The answer is nothing. I've got nothing more to lose by cutting her off. The loss, as pointed out by Frank, will be hers.
I'm enabling her right now. You hit that one on the head. I'm allowing her to keep me on that roller coaster. I'm letting her berate and belittle me (remember, I supposedly did this to her on a regular basis - PROJECTION, anyone?). I then allow her to cry on my shoulder. I'm keeping her nuttiness alive. I can see it now, thanks to my caring friends out there.
Your question is so valid, "why would she think that someone who raped her would care if her back hurt?" The answer is obvious, she and I both know there was never a rape or even a sexual assault. However, I'm allowing her to say these things about me publically and then I'm giving her a shelter in the storm privately? That is crazy on my part. What am I doing? I'm saying it is ok to lie about me in public and to your family and friends b/c I'll always be there for you anyway.
I'm the fool here. You are all so correct. It is time for my W to see there are consequences to her actions and the 1st consequence is a loss of access to me.
Thank you again. I have no problem w/ the directness of your comments. Keep them coming. They do nothing but help shake me out of the haze and see things better. Keep 'em comin'.
