I wanted to add to the last post, but it wouldn't let me. Your thoughts about "not playing the game" and "smiling and waving" are great too.
I need to stop playing the game. I just think it is so rude of me to ignore her - or to ignore anyone for that matter. It just goes against what I've come to believe is proper behavior in the past.
However, it is very clear that this is a completely new ball game and thus has totally new, and often-times odd rules of play. But, it is where I'm at and I do have to play by these rules I've been handed.
I don't have to like it, but I do have to accept it.
Finally, she does need to know what life is like w/out me to be there for her. I am a good man, warts and all. I know I'm not perfect and I've made some mistakes in my M, but I've always been there and cared for W no matter what. I have to believe that deep down she knows I'm good to her and for her, but her borderline personality issues are keeping her from embracing what she knows in her heart. She's never had to face her troubles w/out me. She needs to learn this lesson and I must be the one to force her to learn it. It is very hard and not too enjoyable to think about, but I'm only hurting us both by resisting. I have to begin to move forward w/out her right now.
It is sad b/c I'm at that point where I know she needs to be let go, but I feel guilty about dropping the rope. I know that sounds a bit crazy, but if you've been here too, you can understand.
If I can get my custody situation settled, I will have little reason to talk to her on a regular basis. I'm eagerly looking forward to that day. Then I think I can truly start to detach and be free.
