My H backed off initiating, and made a big stink about it.
Before and after he "backed off," whenever I would try to show affection, which could easily have escalated to the next level, he would just give me a quick hug and kiss back, and return to what he was doing. He was pre-occupied with work, phone calls for work, tv, laundry, dishes, etc. It made me feel like he was just going thru the motions. I had to wait for his leftovers. Everything and everyone else seemed to come first.
Other times, he would jump right into the groping stuff, which turned me off. I told him so many times to give me time to get warmed up and then I would welcome that part. It was like I never had a chance to take the lead, he would take over before I had a chance.
If he would have just hugged me a little longer, really cuddled, waited for me to put his hand where I wanted it, he may have discovered that I could get warmed up really quick. And then there were so many times that we would be getting turned on, but he would say "let's wait until later." By the time later came, I was too tired, and he was ready to play.
So it might help to pay attention to the daytime kissing and hugging a little more. It won't necessarily lead to more, but in my case, I wished it would have.
And as far as him wanting me to initiate, as I look back on it, he wanted me to initiate when HE wanted it, not when I wanted it.
I was able to bring up this issue with H since he moved out, but he didn't comment on it, so I don't know if it registered. When he left, one of his issues was I wouldn't initiate, which I guess, to him, meant that I didn't love him, which was so, so wrong.
So please don't give up yet. Since H left, I have been able to "initiate" some fun several times, and because he couldn't put me off until bedtime anymore, he had to take it while I was "initiating." So now I'm getting what I wanted before. The circumstances are the pits, though.
