Holding Pattern

[JWS]

thank you for the support. i am going to take a few days to really think on this one. what you said earlier about her seeking relationships without any expectations or reality to them is still valid. i knew then that she was talking to other guys and excepted it as part of this crappy experience i can not control. the only change is i snooped and got bit.

i have realized something about my self. all my life i have been a positive thinker. all my professional and personal happyness has been gained by dwelling on the good things i want to happen. since our problems ayear ago i started to dwell on the bad. even after we were peicing i constantly worried about losing her. and i did.

i am going to try so hard to rid my head of bad thoughts. let her go on her journey and just imagine all the good time we still have. i dont want to blow this by freaking out about stupid stuff when i dont know what she is thinking and have no right to judge. i would rather my thoughts be of holding her hand.

however now that i know there are others trying to woooo her i diffently want to compete. i want to text her "your beautiful" and send her a bunch of poppies with a card that says cheers. (i can bet they dont know her faviorte flower.) this is hard because i am a romantic guy and love to do things like that. however LRT says not to do this and i do understand why. i just dont want to lose a competition for the love of my life because i am not allowed off the bench. i know i am the better man but i also deseve her at her best so i will wait around to see if she realizes this.