I am willing to try anything to snap myself out of this depression (although today is another strong day). I spoke with a DB counselor this morning. Jody concurred that I can't talk stbx into staying married. Her take was to rediscover what attracted him to me in the first place and recreate that--

guess what? By NOT being a pathetic, depressed basketcase. Strong, competent, accepting of the situation and able to handle it.

hell, if it provides me with the extra kick in the ass to shake these feelings, it doesn't really matter if the marrige is restored, does it? It gets me back to the Donna I miss so much.

This is an email that I wrote after suggestions from Jody. It should decrease the tension and negative feelings, if only to help pave a way to coparent....

".......I get it.

I get that you’ve thought this all through and this is what you have to do. I know that you have thought long and hard about all of the options, and you understand and will manage what is to come.

I get that it was all about me, for so long. I got caught up in my life and there was very little left over for you, even when you asked me to make you a higher priority. I kept doing that over the last year, only thinking about how I was feeling.

This is the first time that I really see and understand my disrespect for you, by not taking care of our house and home that you worked so hard to provide for; by not taking care of myself for you; by leaving anything that I didn’t feel like doing for you to do.

I get that my depression and neediness have been frustrating and overwhelming to you, and not good for the kids. You are right; they need to see me coping with the changes with more strength, so they know how people can deal with disappointment in their lives. You have been a better example of that for them; I will refocus on doing the same. I know that you have tried to help me, even agreeing to see Sarah. If you still decide to come next week, do it because you want to get more information, not for me.

I get how I have come between you and your parents, and I am deeply sorry for that. At first, their support felt good, but now I see that I was wrong. I need to be more respectful of your relationship with your family.

I get it that our marriage is ending and it is time for me to move forward with my life. It is what is best for our children. I want to be able to work together to raise them....."

Now, of course I still have work to do on ME, but that is something that stbx can't help me with. Him coming back would only "get me off the hook" for doing the tough stuff.

I haven't emailed this to him yet; using the 24 hour rule.