Wow. Worstday, I have to hand it to you. My situation is quite similar to yours (military H, deployments/TDYs, affair, ow of different nationality). I personally don't think you should worry too much about what you did with those emails. I sit here reading this and wished I had been as resourceful. You were trying to save your marriage. You were trying to end your HUSBAND's affair. He was already where he shouldn't be, and possibly putting you at risk, health-wise. What if he had been sent on a TDY to that same location? Maybe this fling would have become something more. You don't know, so you acted. I definitely think you and he need to try to break down the communication barriers and talk about what you both feel is missing. Believe me, I know how hard it is to be you---the wife at home, trying to hold it all together while he is sent here, there, and everywhere on dangerous/exciting missions; some rougher than others. He's away from you, he's exposed to things many people never get to experience, and like you said, a lot of his friends with him on these deployments are doing the very same thing. Doesn't make it right, but it makes it easier to cross that line. I'm not excusing him at all; just saying that this lifestyle isn't the best as far as keeping a marriage healthy and intact. It is highly possible the affair would have just ended because they do not see each other often enough to keep it going, and had you not been dabbling on the computer, you never would have found out. If your H is trying to rebuild trust with you, I don't think he should mind if you know how to check each other's email accounts, etc. It's going to take some hard work from here. If you are at all worried about the future of your marriage and you think he might do this again, I'm going to advise you to do something unpopular but smart: print out those emails from your H to his ow and keep them in a very safe place. They are evidence of adultery and you might need them someday. Sorry to have to say this to you, but any lawyer would also tell you to do it. I hope you NEVER need them. Good luck to you and keep posting. I know you feel guilty for what you did, but I honestly think you did a good thing: you broke up an affair, something that shouldn't have been happening in the first place.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
