Sometimes you just have to put the past behind you. You need to fogive him for his failings. And you need to forgive yourself for your failings. And then you just leave the baggage behind. I don't believe that telling each other your secrets will improve your relationship. I think if you can concoct a scaled down version of your wrongdoing, and admit to that, get forgiven and move on, that is for the best.
Garbage is garbage. Don't drag it around with you, and don't go sifting through it looking for hidden meanings. Get rid of it. If you need to go confess to a priest, then do that. But confessing to your husband will not help you or him in any way.
This is a VERY good post. I did not go as far as you did, but I did something similar so I can really understand you on this.
What keeps going through my mind right now is one of the last scenes from the movie Private Ryan, where Tom Hanks character tells Private Ryan to "EARN THIS".
Granted the ends may not justify the means, BUT it is done now... I think what you need to do is RUN don't walk to a good counselor and begin working on yourself.
I am not saying that someday you won't tell your H the truth about it. Personally I do not see what purpose it would serve right now, BUT someday you might get to where you could tell him.
I am sorry I seem to be rambling, I am having a little trouble getting my thoughts together and the fact that posts can no longer be edited is freaking me out a little bit.
Seriously though the best thing you can do now is work on you.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
