You’ve put so very much into saving your marriage and now you are absolutely drained. It has taken a toll on you and it’s only natural that you would want to have a little respite from feeling awful.
Now having said that, may I speak to you from a woman’s perspective for just a moment?
I’m sure you understand how different the mechanism of sexuality is in men and women. Generally speaking, men are typically motivated because of a physical drive, whereas women are more cerebral in nature.
It is quite possible that your W wants to be sexual with you but then locks up when it comes to the initial phase of interaction. It’s kind of like having to drive over a speed bump – you’ve got to ease over it. You say that she seems ready when you are in public, however, when you get home, she appears to retract from it. This could be an issue of “performance anxiety”. I know that that is something usually associated with men, but women can suffer from it too.
Have you talked to your W about what she likes, what warms her up and do you know her love language?
Is she visual by nature or does she respond more to touch or sound. Have you tried playing music, you know, something to relax by, to ease her mind and help her to let go. I know that it helps me when I'm faced with a speed bump.
