Searching for the truth..for me 5

[phbear316]

Hi Jeanette!!

Busy today. was supposed to be off, but had to go into work. To catch up.

Very bummed this afternoon had a long conversation with mil. She is scheduled for major abdominal surgery on Mon AM for CA of the colon. Surgeon says the usual time for this surgery should be two hours, he is expecting minimum 6 hours. She is to be intubated till wednesday.

I have a horrible, horrible feeling about this. When I did speak to h today for a few minutes I asked if he was going to extend his stay, his reply I will see what happens monday. Are you kidding me. Your mother is facing life and death surgery and all you care about is your new job? You are the temporary director, direct from florida.

I am beginning to see a side of H that i do not like. THis cold, uncaring, almost evil side. Shows he is all wrapped up in himself and only himself, her, and her kids.

I am hurt and confused, part of me wants to go down to be there for her, I feel no one else cares. Last year they let the poor woman rehab home alone at 77 yrs old, giving me the story, she does not need any help, she has to learn how to do it herself. I let them talk me out of it. I want to go, but really cannot afford to go, money wise and work wise. I also feel very unwelcome.

I know I need to make the right decision. I don't know if I don't go I am wrong if I go I am wrong. If I do go, i will rent my own car depend so I dont have to depend on sil & bil to drive me. Not really wanting to see them, but know i must. Should I go while she is in the hospital, should I wait till she gets home?

Since h has been gone, i think i have talked to him maybe 10 minutes. I have ignored calls, and texts. H usually calls me in AM and then very late like 1am or later at night. Last night i never answered the phone cause i did not hear it.

I tried to get the direct deposit stuff done today, but I needed some additional paperwork, thought I could do it without it, called over the dept was gone. Monday it will be. Put out two feelers for lawyers, awaiting return calls.

I'm thinking about taking down my wedding picture and engagement picture. When h first told me he wanted a D a year ago, I immediately took down the pictures, and put them up 24 hours later, I was not ready then, I think I am ready now. Is that stupid? what did you do?

Well that's all for now,

Hugs
bear