Can it REALLY change?

[Bagheera]

I certainly think my H would say my enlightenment is too little too late.

It's better than the 20-odd years it took my wife and myself to realize our own contributions to our unhappy marriage and make some dramatic changes. Again, he has something to truly be thankful for here, if he'll wake up to it.

I'm definitely going to check out that book. Not sure if he'll read it. Maybe if I "accidentally" leave it out.

I don't know your H, obviously, but I tend to think it would have the greatest effect if you tell him your realizations, tell him how serious you are about fixing the problems, and sincerely ask him to read it. If my wife had done that, even at my most angry and resentful, I would have taken her at her word and at least given it an honest read.

I also have to say, that there's an alarm bell going off in my head in reading your situation. If he's as intransigent as you say, despite your willingness to work on this issue, I wonder if he isn't running from something else, OR running to someone else. However, after only a single post describing things, I may be reading in too much.

Best of luck to you,

Bagheera