I just have a quick minute. Today has been a tremendous day of breakthrough in my thinking, perspective, etc.
I don't know how much time I have right now. I don't have internet anymore (but hey, we have food in the pantry and gas in the car and everybody's happy. :-) ) so I'm sitting on my friends patio, pirating her wireless, drinking a glass of wine. I want to stay out here all night (the weather is nice) but I think my kids have found me. I hear them outside on my patio. lol Oh, crap, they spotted me. lol
Just a quick synopsis: been reading FWO. Big WHOA! Have been sharing it with my friends and have had some good discussion. I went back and forth about calling my H. Didn't want to but felt strongly that it was the right time. Apologized for some things that I hadn't realized I had been doing wrong over the years. Told him that I didn't need for him to call back (it was on voicemail because he was in class) but that I had to get some things out. Sent a bunch of text messages, too. Needed to own up to my part in things. I knew it wasn't the usual, me taking the blame for everything, because after I got it all out of my system, I felt so giddy and alive, like a huge burden had rolled off. Funny thing is that he has been sick and wasn't in "fight" mode and therefore was more receptive because he didn't have his guard up. It's hard for him being away when he has a migraine or a cold because I always take good care of him when he's home. I got the impression that while he has been sick these past couple of days, he was thinking about that.
After I got done with all my text messages, he wrote back: "you are being too hard on yourself. I wasn't perfect at everything either and did things wrong"
For months, I've been praying: Lord, fix what's broken. Of course, I was thinking that meant fix the crappy stuff about my H that's messed up. lol Little did I know that God had plans for me! I feel like what I'm going through this week is like pruning, weeding, dead heading....to use gardening analogies. For sure, the new growth will come.
It's good that the internet isn't readily available to me anymore. It's forcing me to read these amazing books I have. Haven't started DR yet but will probably start tomorrow. I plan to spend the whole day at the pool.
I wish I had more time on here but the kids need to get to bed and my S16 is tired of watching them. I'll try to get on tomorrow and post more and check on everybody.
