What will rejection make you do?

[Bagheera]

In my view,

Pornography is NOT equivalent to having an affair.
Pornography is NOT equivalent to pursuing other women.

Pornography is, for a man, what reading a Romance Novel is, for a woman: the indulgence of a sexual fantasy for the purposes of sexual arousal. The different pathways taken by men and women to reach that state are indicative of our gender differences with regard to intimacy and sexual arousal. Women tend to reach sexual arousal via the route of relationship and emotional intimacy: hence the desire for a story-line and an intimate knowledge of the characters before the hot sex scenes begin. Men tend to reach sexual arousal much more easily, via the route of visual stimulation and physical touch, with emotional intimacy to follow --> with the woman they love. Pornography provides only the first part of this formula: visual/audio stimulation, but for a man, that's enough to indulge the sexual fantasy.

The only time pornography is a problem is if it is taken to an extreme, as with almost anything. If it becomes addictive and the only way that someone can become aroused, then it's time for some counseling.

The point is this: Men and Women, both in and out of marriage, have sexual fantasies. They're healthy and normal and NOT an indication that someone is looking to cheat on their spouse. Whether through day-dreams, night-dreams, erotic stories, romance novels, pictures, or videos, sexual fantasies are a safe way for someone to explore their sexuality and what really turns them on without anyone getting hurt or any marriage vows getting broken.

In general, this is yet another example of how the basic gender difference between how Men and Women approach sexual intimacy gets misunderstood. And the husband gets labeled shallow, animalistic, and perverted by a wife who likely has a whole bookshelf full of romance novels (I'm being generic here, Blackwell, not aiming this at you in particular).

We really have lot to learn about each other, don't we?

Best regards,

Bagheera