I think you've honed in on the source of our disagreement. I simply did not come away from his description of his past behavior with the feeling that he was anything much more than a little smothering or hypercritical. I see self-flagellation here that's largely of his own making, and I'll admit that that assessment could be entirely wrong on my part. If he truly has been a horrible husband, and a jackass, then I'd be inclined to lean more toward your approach, although I still think you take it too far when you say for him to TOTALLY focus on her, and I also still have a problem with "princesses" (but that could be my issue, I'll readily admit, since I'm married to a world-class Princess).
My approach is also one of efficacy, in that I think women, by and large, lose respect over time if their husband totally dotes on them and treats them like a princess. It can lead to some great, world-class FRIENDSHIPS, but I don't think it makes for a healthy marital sexual dynamic. (see "NMMNG" for a better description of this dynamic than I can give it).
