Where do...I...go from here?

[tpaschal]

So, it's been a difficult week. A difficult two weeks. (Well, hell, it's been a crappy year, but I'll just concentrate on the last few days for now!!!)

Went to court last week, supposed to be for motion for H to pay interim attorney's fees, but L withdrew from case, so all got postponed. H was nasty afterwards, blaming me, his mom, and D14 for everything under the sun. Threatened (as he does periodically) to get nasty in court, to let his lawyer rip me to shreds, etc., etc. Got this email from H the next day. Pretty sure it was at instigation of OW (and written by her, too, as this is NOT H's typical email writing style---pretty sure she writes most of his emails for him nowadays.)

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TPaschal,

In thinking back to our conversation yesterday I realize I probably made it sound like I'm going to throw you and the children to the wolves. I hope you know I would never do that. I have been willing to be very generous this whole time and still am. However the money is running out and pretty soon there won't be anything left to be generous with so this has to end now. (Uh huh. And it has nothing to do with the fact that OW is pushing you relentlessly? As for the money running out, that is crap. There hasn't been any money since he flew through all the saving accounts this time last year when he wined and dined the bimbo and furnished his apt. with all brand new stuff. He doesn't want to have to suffer by using his monthly income to pay lawyer's bills. He wants to cash out the retirement accts. to pay the costs. A$$h*l*.)

Mr. So-and-so is a reputable accountant and I have been assured the court will accept his evaluation. He is completely impartial. I know nothing about him except I met his assistant when she came to the office to get all the paperwork. She seemed nice but very professional. His evaluation has already begun and will cost $5000-$7000 alone. If I have to pay for evaluation by two separate accountants I would have to sell the IRA to do so. I don't want to do that because we would pay a 40% tax on that money. (I didn't say I wanted two separate evaluations---in fact, we agreed in our Temporary Orders conference to use one evaluator, we just hadn't agreed on using the one he wanted, because I have no way of knowing if he's got any prior connection to this guy.)

If you will agree to settle:

I am willing to assume all the marital debt except your car loan and the house, which will be resolved by the sale. That's over $120,000 of unsecured debt that will be an elephant off your back. (Every penny of it racked up by him. Took out loans to make two investments, but one investments has tanked and he didn't make the other investment and spent the money instead. Now the loan is due, and he's stuck. His practice had problems in the winter due to the incompetence of the office manager and he didn't get paid for a few months so had to take out a large loan to live on and to pay mine and kids housing expenses. Also, the house and my car were both purchases he INSISTED we make. I was happy in our old house, and though I wanted a new car, I was willing to wait until we had saved up enough to pay cash for it. So his seeming generosity isn't really very generous.)

You can have all the profit from the sale of the house to put a large down-payment on a nice home for you and the kids. Hopefully that will be over _________ even after the Realtors percentage. And I'm still willing to help you out with getting a home loan. (This is the only thing that makes me even want to consider this offer. If the house sells for what the Realtor is suggesting, it would be enough to put a big downpayment on a house, but it wouldn't be enough to cover the entire cost of something in the area where I currently live to keep the kids in their schools. I would still need him to be on the mortgage for at least a little while, according to my friend who is a mortgage loan writer.)

I will pay maximum child support, $1875/month (like he has a choice? Oh, give me a f***ing break!)and we can discuss spousal support for the first 2 years so you can go to school if you wish. (Texas sucks. Spousal support is only available for 3 years, and only for a maximum of $2500 per month, but that's only if the a$$h*l* agrees to it, or the judge can order it. It's not standard.)

The IRA will be transferred into your name, currently holding $___________. (Believe me, it's not much. It was only opened 2 or 3 years ago, and we hadn't concentrated much on building it up yet. If I had to cash it out, it wouldn't even pay the property taxes for the house I live in now, but it MIGHT be enough to pay off the L who quit. And with the economy and the stock market the way it is right now, it's lost 2 or 3 thousand dollars since the beginning of the year. <sigh>)

I will leave the $1 million life insurance policy in place with the children as equal beneficiaries and if something should happen to me the money would be directed by a trustee until they reach the age of 25. (Oh, what a generous guy.)

Please think about these offers and let me know if you're willing to discuss it and any other issues in question.
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I didn't even answer this email, as I have no legal representation right now and didn't want to make any mistakes. My MIL says I should talk to him about this offer and make a really hardball counter offer, because I can always say no, or say I changed my mind, but I just don't want to screw anything up.

He sent another email two days ago.

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TPaschal,

I received papers from Mr. So-and-so's office yesterday requesting a $10,000 retainer fee to perform the evaluation. Nobody mentioned a retainer fee was required, just that it would run $5-7,000. Doubling that to 10k puts me in the same position as paying two accountants - I would have to sell the IRA.
If we settle this now without the evaluation and outside of court there will be some money available for the settlement. I need to get some idea so I can arrange for financing either way.


Is a settlement possible?

H

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I hadn't answered this one, either, but he wanted to talk about it when he was here to see the kids today. (See the kids? Yeah, right---he shows up unannounced 20 minutes before he knows they will be home, walks in yelling "heeelllo! anybody home?" then wants to talk only about settlement, trying to bully me, I don't think I handled it very well, he got pissy and left about 10 minutes after kids got home, without doing anything with kids.)

So, any thoughts? I know what I'd love to say, but this post is getting awfully long. I'll put it in a separate post.