jonzy man how are you doing? You sound good today, I hope you are beginning to work on yourself. I think Bworl hit it dead on, it's pretty much the MO of a WAS. We men are kinda dense, we think as long as there is no major issues and things seem to be going fine just like Bworl described we are pretty much happy and feel we are doing it right, WHAM!
If I changed yours and mine screen names around OMG! You've been married 8 me 8.5 both together 12yrs the oldest is hers the youngest both of yours it's like looking in a mirror at my own reflection.
Now is not the time to persue. Now is the time to work on you and the kids. Like I said last night the old marriage is dead she is not into you just as my W is not into me. It's up to you to make the changes and let her notice, become the man you need to be.
Going dark is a strong thing you must do it right if that's what you choose to do. Going dark means no contact from you and if you have to make sure it is only about the kids, finance, just the basics. It doesn't mean be a jerk or rude to your W, but be less available it is a time to work on you and get some goals set in place for yourself, get solution focused become detached but in a loving manner it's a fine line to walk read up on LRT in the book, the books are invaluable, like I said last night they are for YOU and YOU only don't tell wife about them or that you are on these boards, this things are all for you, to vent ask questions and to learn.
There are alot of good and wise people throughout these boards listen to what they say they can HELP! If you can afford it get some coaching lessons, they are a bit pricy but from what I have read they help you get a game plan set in place and teach you how to carry it out.
Remember:
1. stop the ILY 2. don't persue 3. no R talks let WAS start them there is a entire list of things to remember, I will try and find it for you and post it it has ALOT of good things to keep in mind as you ride this rollercoaster of H*LL.
Remember to breathe, go slow, work on yourself, spend time with your kiddo's, you CAN do this IMHO this can be saved, you have some positives working in your favor above all be PATIENT!
