"The tone of my posts may have changed, maybe because I struggle daily to keep a lid on my inner turmoil".
I understand this.. hence I am concerned. Let me say this again.. If you keep going this way.. where do you go? How many times do you think she felt like this.. once.. twice maybe? Come on man.. one of two things has to happen.. either you suppress it and get over it.. or you come up with a way to communicate it to her.
Lets think it out a little.. She likes quality time.. if I remember correctly. Oh yea.. the shirts.. Lets go shirt shopping, just you and her. Plan it out. While you are walking around.. showing off.. say something like.. "You know.. I like it when we talk like this. It just comes so easy."
Now whatever the response.. say something like..
"You know.. Sometimes.. I want to say things.. but I feel like I can't."
Now this leaves you with two ways to go.. you can back track.. or go forward.
If I was a betting man.. I would bet the response to the statement is "Really?"
If not.. listen to what she says and report back here. Pick back up where you were and have a great time. Thats the hard part!
On the comment "Really?" you are on your own with how to keep it going.
"I would rather her just modify her behavior so we both could relax and be happy."
I am with you on that one. You still need to help her with this. You can sit back and wait for it.. Or you can find a way to make it happen. This should be a DB goal for you. Here let me help out a bit...
We should modify our behavior so we both could relax and be happy.
I suggest you make that.. goal #1 and focus on it. Enough with the morning "Happy Lan". My goal.. I wanna see Lan's wife posting here. I'm working on mine.. It could happen.
"However when W behaves like she did during the bomb, or she talks to me like I've got S**t for brains or treats me like I'm a POS especially with what we've been through then it really does test my patience. My frustration gets heightened with the fact that W doesn't want to discuss anything in case I say anything which will remind her of the recent past. So some of the things in our R that I want to talk about to try and straighten us out, we can't talk about. In fact when W spoke to me this morning I was surprised she touched on this subject matter, but then again I couldn't give the responses I wanted to cos I'm sure her behavior with OM would have been mentioned. Can't think why I would do that but I thought it best to validate, I can still remember how to do that."
It amazed me.. How easily that went together. I see you putting in in perspective at the end. You are struggling with how to do this. She can see it. Just like you could back in the day. Why was I worried? You know the answer. I am not better than you.. you can do this. Think Lan.. Think.
"No I would not say I am complacent I would more say I'm a different person who see the whole world differently. NFC, no my problem is I do have a clue now. I can see things, I can see both our mistakes past and present but it looks like it's up to me to keep us on the straight and narrow and not make these mistakes set us back."
One question. Read what you just wrote.. and answer it.
Who is going to walk away next? Remember.. both of you need to make it work. Sometimes you have to lead.. Sometimes you have to follow. Its up to you to decide when. No matter what the outcome. The OP.. Icing on the cake. Don't carry the load alone.. you know where that goes.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
