lost in space... it is amazing... As a mother, I cannot understand it!!! it blows me away!! There is nothing more important then them. They didn't ask to be in this world, and im sure as he$$ going to make it the best it can be.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
my W hates me - this is just what she told me - she said this thing of Saturday night it is just a "way to control her". She wants me to sign the divorce papers tomorrow - because they are ready to be signed - She will never ever come back with me - she hates me more then ever - she is already divorced in her mind and it has just to become legal.... and it will if I want it or not. She is a single mother and this is what she wants to be. I said we need more time and I will sign them in three months and she went berserk. She hates me, hates me with all herself, I am irresponsible and I am doing everything to hit her... she wants the papers signed tomorrow - at the end we agreed about one month.
I could not believe she has so much resentment toward me - it is shocking. wow. wow. wow.
so I went home to pick up the kids - I saw her, I said fix a day for next week and I'll come to sign the papers and Saturday night I'll keep the kids and you can do whatever you want - I am done with the good fight - I am done with the war I am done with you - you won - if this is what you really want than have it.... She got nice right away, and her eyes got really wet. She said "I don't miss you, but I do miss us as a family..... sometimes..." I was happy to hear those words, but then I felt a huge rage... I don't know why.... I think I was thinking about OM.... by the fact that he has been on MY bed, that he filled the freezer with ice cream, that she destroyed a wonderful family.
She came with us to the swimming class - but she has been very cold the whole evening.... a friendly good night and now I am at the computer.. I need to work, but it is hard
Sorry Rop but this is inevitable. By not watching the kids you are only prolonging something that will eventually happen. Did you actually say, "You are destroying the family." I think she already knows that the words are unnecessary. Don't bother telling her, she will only find some way to turn it around to you and make you to blame for it.
Don't worry. The time with OM won't be perfect, and even if it starts like some perfect fantasy reality eventually sets in (I've watched my friends go through with this over and over...). But don't worry about that... just make sure your time with the kids is TOTALLY GREAT. So they go back raving about what a great time they had with dad. Make sure you do something really special with them. Try to enjoy your time with them. Wives and girlfriends come and go, but your children are always your children. Don't miss out on the time with them just to try and keep your wife away from OM. You will rob yourself of memories that are both fleeting and irreplacable.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I am done with the good fight - I am done with the war I am done with you
It was never the "good fight" because you never detached and let go. When a spouse dreams about the grass on the other side of the fence, you HAVE to let them go experience it. You have to allow them the opportunity to figure out just how green it is, where the weeds are, etc... the "fight" is making the grass on your side look better in comparision. And it's also knowing you are worthwhile and a "great place to be" no matter what the S decides. It's knowing that you and your family are the best place, and if a S decides otherwise, that's their loss.... but you did everything possible and have no regrets.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I think for Saturday I want to take the kids to camp with the tent. I don't want to go too far, I was thinking to go to Big Sur - I have never been in a camping ground in this area - Does anybody know a nice campground around here? Thank you
pfeiffer big sur is the standard place. You need to reserve in advance, though. Big Sur is a pretty popular destination so I bet it'll be packed.
You might also consider Pinnacles - it's closer and a very nice park. There are some caves to crawl through, which the kids might enjoy. If you do go there, remember to take flashlights.
What a lousy day.... Since I came back, the "sign the divorce papers" thing and the "hate talk" really spoiled my mood. I didn't realize how attached I am to W - I don't even think it is healthy. I got the book "no more nice guys", and started reading it.... maybe is going to cast some light. I am definitely unhappy with where I am in life, at least I have something to work on. Yesterday during the "hate fight" I asked W if she noticed my changes, she had a very harsh answer: let's see if they last a couple of years, then we can talk about it. I tried to make her jealous, with my fake phone calls, and innuendos, she doesn't care.... About OM she said it is very hard to start a new relation with the emotional baggage she has, and probably this thing is not going to go anywhere (I wish it was true ).... and OM is just helping her to move on... mha!
Today I cant stop thinking about W and relation, I am totally consumed. It helps me journaling here in the board, get stuff out of my chest. Even my parents are sick and tired to hear about me wanting to save this marriage. Their answer is to "find another woman fast", this is the best thing I could do for myself..... like it is easy specially with the motional mess I am in....
Tonight I think I am going out for a beer with a "singles" group that meets through internet - first time - I don't really know what to expect, not much actually. I'll decide at the last minute if to go or not.
