for better,for worse,for (what)ever

[seekpeaceofmind]

I'm adjusting my expectations. I had been thinking 1 year would be long enough to give this, but it is now almost 1 year post-bomb and 8 months of sep. I'm not ready to give up on M yet, altho I am more than ready for the pain to be over. Now I think the hurt has to pass before I can give up on the M. Plus, 2 yrs seems to be a more realistic timeframe to really give this a chance.

I felt very confused this morning. H sent a text yesterday saying he wants to get some things tomorrow. I feel like I have missed opportunities to be his "friend" and DB. When he 1st moved out, he tried to tell me abt his apt and I didn't want to talk abt it. I shld have said, - why don't you have me over for dinner after you get settled? Instead he now has this whole life th I know nothing abt. We tried to have a drink or lunch a few times in the beginning of the sep and I just cldn't relax. Now I never see him for more than 5 min. Then, he said to me, it sounds like you are ready to move on. My reaction (and others) to his D talk has been th he is trying to put the responsibility onto me - make it something th I am doing, not him. But, what if what he is really doing is trying to get me to let go? And I won't do it. Not in that way. I will let him move out and have NC W/me and I won't fight or plead. But, I won't say, - Ok divorce me or, better yet, I will divorce you. Maybe he needs me to do th so th he will know th I have let go. And then he won't need to resist me any longer.