He left then Cheated ---Now What???

[No Longer BH]

This is long so please be patient with me. Here's my sitch. My husband and I were highschool sweethearts. We married when we were twenty-one. At twenty three his mother passed away with cancer. I suffered from infertility so we did not have our child until we had been married for 8 years. Thigs were going along wonderfuly in our relation. All of our friends said we were the perfect couple, he was truly my best friend and soul mate. About four years ago my husband's grandmother moved in so that "we" could take care of her. It became very obvious that there was no we, but just me. After two and half years of being a care taker to her, my young son and my husband while attending college full time, I became physically exhausted. I could not do it any more. The fighting began. He did not want her in a nursing home and I could not take care of her. Finally, after her last trip to the hospital and me refusing to lift her out of bed every 2 hours, my husband worked from home for a month to nurse her back and saw that she needed to be in a nursing home.

Now is when he starts to shut me off and stop talking to me. Words like "Your too broken to love" and "You are a burden to me" are spewed at me (I have MILD narcolpsy, never been a big issue before, just need naps and some meds is all). He completly withdraws from doing anything with me. We enter into MC and he says he just doesnt thnk he wants this anymore. For a year he would show up to MC but never really commit to it. Then he spirals into a SEVER depression - cutting himself with razors and wanting to die. I also get to suffer the pleasure of all of his anger directed towards me and a few holes in the wall (NEVER was a violent man at all untill this incident). He blames me for his depression. So he decides that in order to find himself (because he cant as long as I am around) and to get out of his depression he must move out.

I have been to this sight for over a year, never posted, but took everything to heart. I started to work on me and GAL. I stopped pressuring him and left him to find his way. He even started to come over for a few family diners and we were starting to at least laugh a little together. Then, Tuesday he tells me he has been seeing another woman. I am crushed and devistated. This a day after he told me that his heart still isnt shut to the possibilty of us in the future, but he still needed to work on himself and see where we were after things got better. If I change and he had changed by that time he was willing to try and see if we could work on us.

I dont know what to do at ths point. Is this MLC? Is this just him growing into someone else and he really has found another love to replace me? I have been on this rollercoaster for 2 years now and cant believe he would do this. None of my friends or family thought he was the type of person to have an A. I have decided to go completely dark....NC at ALL for at least 30 days. I just dont know if I should still continue to hold out hope that one day the fog will clear and he will find his way home.

Any advise is soooo welcome. Thank you for taking the time to read this.