Real life...part 3

[Starshyne]

Thanks lodo for the support. I do feel like I am being judged everywhere I go. Judged for deciding to divorce, judged for deciding not to divorce. I know I shouldn't feel that way and I shouldn't let other people get to me so much. This is my life and my decision. I can only do what I believe to be the best for me.

As for my H. I do think that he would take the settlement. The amount is more than what he wanted to save for a downpayment for the apartment. And I know that he talked to a L on the phone who told him that he wouldn't be able to get support from me (although the truth is that he could if he tried) So it would be the best for me. It is just so fast.

I will try to contact the pastor and have this talk with my H after this week. Really the end of the school year is INSANE! Once I move past this week and everything that goes with it, I will do those things. I just need to coast by for 2 more days.

Sara

[JeffSTL]

Just checking in on you before bed Sara,

Sara: I do feel like I am being judged everywhere I go. Judged for deciding to divorce, judged for deciding not to divorce. I know I shouldn't feel that way and I shouldn't let other people get to me so much. This is my life and my decision. I can only do what I believe to be the best for me.

It's Jeff from St Louis, most people here are not judging you, we are all in the same boat, we all hurt, we all have decisions to make

My post earlier:

Jeff: I don't want to tell you what to do, you will find that out in your heart. It may take you some time and some soul searching but it will come to you, take your time, its all about you.

Proverbs 6:32
But a man who commits adultry lacks judgement, whoever does so destroys himself. Blows and disgrace are his lot, and his shame will never be wiped away

I know this one, see Proverbs 5: 20-23 (New Living Translation)

Why be captivated, my son, by an immoral woman,or fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman? For the Lord sees clearly what a man does, examining every path he takes. An evil man is held captive by his own sins; they are ropes that catch and hold him. He will die for lack of self-control; he will be lost because of his great foolishness.

We are all responsible for our own actions


We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.

M45
W41
M10 years
D9, D6, D6, S5
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
PA confirmed 03/08 no sex yet ?? let me hope !!!
Moving Van comming Saturday May 31st

[karen43]

I do feel like I am being judged everywhere I go. Judged for deciding to divorce, judged for deciding not to divorce. I know I shouldn't feel that way and I shouldn't let other people get to me so much. This is my life and my decision. I can only do what I believe to be the best for me.

Sara

I think everyone here will agree with that, and be supportive of whatever decisions you make. We love to give our opinions and advice b/c we care about you, but you have to decide what will make you happy of course! I support you 100% and I won't judge you at all, if you promise not to judge me! I think you seem really strong and handling the situation really well as a matter of fact, so if anyone is judging you I think they should give you an "A"! Karen

[cat03]

I don't think he understands that at all....

he doesn't want to understand, which is another matter altogether. You see, men like your H and my stbx do not think 2 weeks into the future, he obviously doesn't see what can happen, he doesn't realize how much his life will be screwed up by staying with ow, he's just trying to live the present, trying to wing it by you and appease the ow (my stbx had string along ow for half a year, making her believed we were either S or D, there was no end to his plan, didn't want a D but didn't want to leave ow)

It is very unfortunate the laws of your state dont' give you any time, that is just terrible and you are in a very hard position, it is understandable you feel pulled from all directions.

It does make sense to let him know what is going to happen, that in such such date you are paying the L to do this, let him know what is going on. Only a miracle would knock some sense into him this quick, I totally agree with the list puppy came up with.

I dont' remember reading that verse before, that is very powerful. You are in my prayers.

[Sugar and Spice]

((((Sara)))) no judgements here sweetie, just honest care and concern. You have to do whatever is right for you and your situation.

I loved those bible quotes, very telling. Pray for guidance and strength.

Corey

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I do feel like I am being judged everywhere I go. Judged for deciding to divorce, judged for deciding not to divorce. I know I shouldn't feel that way and I shouldn't let other people get to me so much. This is my life and my decision. I can only do what I believe to be the best for me.

Sara

I think everyone here will agree with that, and be supportive of whatever decisions you make. We love to give our opinions and advice b/c we care about you, but you have to decide what will make you happy of course! I support you 100% and I won't judge you at all, if you promise not to judge me! I think you seem really strong and handling the situation really well as a matter of fact, so if anyone is judging you I think they should give you an "A"! Karen

She gets an "A" from me! (OK, maybe an "A-", but I'm a notoriously tough grader . . )

Sara, we're here to help you WHATEVER you decide. I admire your courage!

Puppy

[klm]

Sare, we won't judge you. It is easy for us to give advice, but we aren't emotionally attached to the situation. You have to do what is right for you and what you are comfortable with.

Now that school is about over, maybe you can clear your mind and really think about what you want to do. Have you thought anything about interviewing another lawyer? I know you said that no one there gives free consults but it might not be a bad idea just to see if someone else tells you the same things. I read Mrs. H's thread in the MLC forum and she has been getting some really bad advice from her lawyer.

I did a little bit of research on D in illinois and it seems they don't have a traditional legal separation. I did read that you have have to live apart for two years before the D is granted! That is only for a no-fault D. Would you be filing for no-fault or on the grounds of adultery? Seems if you filed on the grounds of adultery then that would be taken into consideration for alimony/property division. FYI: I have no idea what I am talking about when it comes to the legal side of it, I just wonder if you lawyer talked about this. This is an excerpt from what I found online:

That the spouses have lived separate and apart for a continuous period in excess of 2 years and irreconcilable differences have caused the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage and the court determines that efforts at reconciliation have failed or that future attempts at reconciliation would be impracticable and not in the best interests of the family. If the spouses have lived separate and apart for a continuous period of not less than 6 months next preceding the entry of the judgment dissolving the marriage, as evidenced by testimony or affidavits of the spouses, the requirement of living separate and apart for a continuous period in excess of 2 years may be waived upon written stipulation of both spouses filed with the court.

Sara, I think you are stronger than you even know. You will know one day, when you look back on this and how you got through it. I think you have handled everything with dignity. (((((Sara)))))

[klm]

Puppy, I have a mini hi-jack here. Do you have a thread? I don't think you have a current one, but I thought you may have an older one......but for some reason I suspect you used to be here under a different name...I guess because you seem so experienced and give such good advice.

I was just wonder how your story unfolded and how you and your wife got to where you are. I am piecing with H and working on the trust issue. You can respond on my thread....or you can just tell me to mind my own business.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

KLM,

I do not. I've resisted posting it, because my methods are not always the most "DB" (although I think I'm closer to it than some posters even are).

If you look up the old "Chocolateeyes" threads, those come the closest to what I would say my story, and my approach is.

Puppy

[klm]

Thanks puppy! I think the only thing you differ from DB is in exposing the affair....which I think is best too.

Sorry for hi-jacking sara.