Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain 38

[tpaschal]

But 4 hours with his kids should be something we encourage, not discourage.

I agree the timing is terrible and he brings them back too late.

He only does it to get a reaction.

It's like teasing or bullying someone, the more you complain about it, the more fun it is to keep on doing it. Once you stop reacting, the fun just seems to slip away.

I'm sorry MrsH, I know you've had a horrible H to deal with...

I just don't think that we should complain about parents wanting to spend time with their kids.

I hope I haven't offended you or others.

Cinders,

I know you haven't offended me, and you are so sincere and kind hearted with your comments that I don't think anyone should be offended by your gently worded constructive criticism.

I think many of us here would love for our WAS's to spend more quality time with their children.

I think the problem in this sitch is that it seems to be another case of MLC self-involvement. All about "Me, Me, Me!" without the emotional maturity or foresight to consider whether it is wise to keep a 7 yr. old and a 4 yr. old out that late. Other people's needs and best interests (mainly those of his 2 sons) don't enter into his thought processes. And since that is the case, Mrs. H will have to address it some way.

J.A. seems to be using the boys to control Mrs. H, to get his way, to show that her boundaries mean nothing to him, and to make a case for the judge that he is "SuperDad," without considering what is really best for the boys.

Is one late night going to kill them? No, of course not. And if it was just once, I doubt anyone would make a fuss. But from what I've read, it seems to be habitual. If he really had the best interests of the boys at heart, instead of his own self interests, he could have spent 3 hours with them and had them home in time for a reasonable school night bedtime.

I do agree that nagging J.A. about it will probably not have the desired effect. I would say nothing about it now, except to ooze kindness when he brings them back. Make a point of telling him that you're sure the boys had a great time. But if it is a pattern that is detrimental to the boys, have your lawyer get on it right away to get the visitation agreement written up. When you know that J.A. is trying to get a rise out of you, deny him that pleasure. He wants to blame stuff on you? Nope, he can blame it on the lawyers.

I hope that the boys really do have fun during their times together, and have no inkling of what some of J.A.'s motivation is for being with them.

Just MO.

[Bworl]

One observation from me.

I'd be really surprised if your H continues this dramatic desire to spend all this time with the boys AFTER all the divorce stuff is over.

It really seems to me like this is mostly for show.

Hopefully he will always love his boys and desire his time with him.

But I don't expect him to be quite so over the top in wanting extra time with him once everything is decided legally.


Just something to think about.

And by the way, for now I would strongly agree with your potential new L. Get an agreement in place in writing, and stick to it to the letter.


Blessings,

Bill

[MissH]

Mom,

Do not pay for the clothes he has purchased for them. Does he pay for clothes you buy for them...not including child support?

Oh, I don't plan on it. Just that he expects me too. When we were in court recently he expected me to be responsible for half of a 22 thousand credit card bill he rung up. When my L asked him where the heck that came from he said "The taxes, things I brought for the kids like clothing and vacation."

My L looked at him like he was crazy and said that I was NOT responsible for any of that.

He does not pay me for clothes I buy them. It comes right out of my child support. Whatever clothes he wants to buy them is his own perogative, it isn't necessary.

[MissH]

Dar, Cinders, TP and Bill,

I don't mind that he spends a little extra time with the boys on Wednesdays, that is why I don't make a big deal when he shows up a little early. I figure the boys enjoy spending time with him and that is what is more important. However, when he brings them home late and abuses the visitation hours like he normally does, it gets me a little ticked.

However, I did not say anything to him because I know he was expecting me too. I believe he abuses the time to get to me, not so much to spend it with the boys, although I am sure he does love to spend extra time with them.

Bill, I do believe you are right. A lot of it is just for show. I highly doubt when this is done with that he would offer to come up every night to watch the boys like he recently offered.

[momof2girls]

If JA wants the extra time with the kids then maybe suggest he get them earlier...I know by the time the kids get home from school it is later in the afternoon, but even a half hour earlier would give him that time.

I by no means meant to imply that him spending the extra time with the kids was a bad thing. I do agree that he is doing most of it for show.

I really hope he stays in the boys lives as much as he is in them now. I want it to be for them, not him and his MLC ego.

WOW! 22K for taxes and vacation?? I wish I could afford to go on huge vacations like that!!

[MissH]

Mom, usually he comes to get them not longer after S7 gets home from school. I just prefer he bring them back on time but almost 2 1/2 hours past his return time is a bit ridiculous.

The one good thing about his visitation on Wednesdays is that he generally doesn't bring his bimbo around them. That is the only time the boys get to spend time with just him. Otherwise, the bimbo is with them the entire weekend he has them. S7 said she comes over for breakfast in the morning and goes home when it's time for bed.

Regarding the 22K, he wouldn't have such a high bill if he didn't waste his money on the bimbo all the time and going out with her.

[cat03]

my brother used to get yanked around by xw like that too, she wouldnt' bring his son somedays, way too early/late others, since visitation is all in writing he'd just go to court when she got too be too much, hope visitation is the first thing that you can take care of hon)))

[MissH]

Yeah, this new L that I am retaining said it would be one of the first things on our list to do. She can't believe my old L didn't have anything put in writing. She said there was so much paperwork that already should of been done.

[Maya44]

I'm glad you're with this new L then. Who knows what else the other one would've left out and not held H responsible for!

[a new 2moro]

while i think cinders has a point JA has abused you and the system so bad....he needs legal boundaries. giving him any leeway is like slamming your head into the wall willingly.