Karen Posted: she sounds a lot like my H. He wants to be single, less responsibility, able to run and bike and date whenever he wants, thinks he's in love with OW, not in love with me anymore. I do think it can be hard sometimes with that type of person. You can try one more attempt before she leaves as Puppy suggested to try to prevent her from making a huge mistake, but I understand what it's like when they're already emotionally checked out, thinks their new life will be "perfect": you know my H said stuff like he was going to have more money, more time (but same job), we'd all be happier, and all these other fantasies. It's hard to argue or compete with fantasyland!
Exactly wow, just the same, I don't know if there is anything I can do to stop her from leaving. Fantasyland always looks better until you get there and I think the only way for W to find this out is to go to fantacyland and check it out.
I have to work on myself and get my life together right now, work on reality I have so much stuff to do around the house, I need to get these projects completed, I need to schedule some time for me,
I'll see W everyday this summer and I believe we will be going to the pool as a family on Sundays, that will be wierd, I'll BBQ and make like the perfect father and husband.
The word of W leaving will be spreading like a wild fire by Sunday. Neighbor will see moving van so W's mom will know by Sunday, The only person I told, (W knows I told him and he knows a lot of the friends we have at church) will be given the green light that W leaving is public information,
We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.
M45 W41 M10 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me PA confirmed 03/08 no sex yet ?? let me hope !!! Moving Van coming Saturday May 31st
Puppy, thank you so much for your help and your post, My W is a good mother but she doesn't thinks so, the constant mess drives her up the wall. She is a clean freak in an environment of chaos. She feels like she is going no where in her life, she does love me (like a brother) she is having an A, she is attempting to look better, younger, tanner, etc.
I have always suspected a MLC
I can only be nice to her, she knows I want her, I love her, and I'll be faithful. I don't know what to do, other than let her go and work on myself.
We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.
M45 W41 M10 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me PA confirmed 03/08 no sex yet ?? let me hope !!! Moving Van coming Saturday May 31st
I think that I have gotten some conflicting vibes as well, Jeff, but I believe that that is to be expected. WE ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE!
Just when we think we are handling things great, then WHAMMO, we fall down.
An issue I see is that you profess your love for your wife. Like we all do. You want it to all work out. My WW has told me similar things. We have all heard similar things. We can't believe everything we hear. You've heard the saying around here. My WW keeps telling me it is not the OM, she just doesn't want to be in a relationship right now (???) and doesn't want to have to answer to anyone. Same sh** you've heard.
BUT...
This issue I see is that you have not or may not be able to forgive your W for the affair. You have said this many times. You have to be able to forgive her. To me, there IS no hope with out it. Maybe she's picking up on that.
I don't know. I'm no expert. None of us are.
My WW knows that I love her AND forgive her.
The problem is, does she believe it. She has told me she doesn't think I can. I have made sure that she has heard me SAY it, because I do.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
OK, really sick of not having the edit button, and obviously I mean to say my H and not my W!!!! Sorry to get you excited for a second Puppy!!! Karen
Karen, actually I was almost grossed out for a second! Been down that road before. ;-)
Jeff, have you ever called her on the comment about it's not about the other man? Ask her to look into your eyes and tell her its not about the other man. OF COURSE IT IS...if it wasn't why didn't she do this 3-4-5-6 years ago? Her not being about the other man is like you saying that you just want her to leave. Deep down, we all see that you don't want her to leave. You would give anything for her to stay as long as she would be faithful and rightfully so...you are married to her. A lifelong bond that can't just be broken.
She has part of you and you part of her. Its like making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, putting jelly on one side and peanut butter on the other. Then after its made, saying I want my peanut butter piece of bread back... Nope, sorry, it now has jelly on it too.
I say that example only to let you know that it has now been 6 whole months since I've talked to my W. Not seeing her or talking to her hasn't made it easier. I miss her, I wish I could've done more had she let me. In your case, don't live with regret. You have improved yourself. Now is the time to say, how do you like me now? You are a good father, a loving husband, we care for you, you're healthier now, in better shape... Now is the time to focus on her. Never, never give up. Malachi 10:13-16 says God hates divorce. The pain of her leaving will break you. It will be unbearable. Don't let her leave without giving it that last effort. Like a class act baseball player, run out that grounder to second in the bottom of the 9th and 2 outs. You never know when the other team will drop the ball. He will provide. Be strong, Jeff. You are constantly in my prayers.
W works tonight till 2:00am, so I'll be sleeping, she also works Friday night this week. What about a card for her when she comes home Friday night that reads
Mary, you know that I love you and I've been faithful to you. I will continue to love you and I will remain faithful
Tomorrow is it, I would be willing to forgive you if it wasn't for the other guy in your life. I cannot forgive until I know he is gone.
You know this is tearing me up inside, I cannot make you stop what you are doing. I can only pray that you will.
You remain in my prayers and for our last night together come to bed and let me hold you one more time before you leave.
We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.
M45 W41 M10 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me PA confirmed 03/08 no sex yet ?? let me hope !!! Moving Van coming Saturday May 31st
Karen