Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain 38

[tpaschal]

But 4 hours with his kids should be something we encourage, not discourage.

I agree the timing is terrible and he brings them back too late.

He only does it to get a reaction.

It's like teasing or bullying someone, the more you complain about it, the more fun it is to keep on doing it. Once you stop reacting, the fun just seems to slip away.

I'm sorry MrsH, I know you've had a horrible H to deal with...

I just don't think that we should complain about parents wanting to spend time with their kids.

I hope I haven't offended you or others.

Cinders,

I know you haven't offended me, and you are so sincere and kind hearted with your comments that I don't think anyone should be offended by your gently worded constructive criticism.

I think many of us here would love for our WAS's to spend more quality time with their children.

I think the problem in this sitch is that it seems to be another case of MLC self-involvement. All about "Me, Me, Me!" without the emotional maturity or foresight to consider whether it is wise to keep a 7 yr. old and a 4 yr. old out that late. Other people's needs and best interests (mainly those of his 2 sons) don't enter into his thought processes. And since that is the case, Mrs. H will have to address it some way.

J.A. seems to be using the boys to control Mrs. H, to get his way, to show that her boundaries mean nothing to him, and to make a case for the judge that he is "SuperDad," without considering what is really best for the boys.

Is one late night going to kill them? No, of course not. And if it was just once, I doubt anyone would make a fuss. But from what I've read, it seems to be habitual. If he really had the best interests of the boys at heart, instead of his own self interests, he could have spent 3 hours with them and had them home in time for a reasonable school night bedtime.

I do agree that nagging J.A. about it will probably not have the desired effect. I would say nothing about it now, except to ooze kindness when he brings them back. Make a point of telling him that you're sure the boys had a great time. But if it is a pattern that is detrimental to the boys, have your lawyer get on it right away to get the visitation agreement written up. When you know that J.A. is trying to get a rise out of you, deny him that pleasure. He wants to blame stuff on you? Nope, he can blame it on the lawyers.

I hope that the boys really do have fun during their times together, and have no inkling of what some of J.A.'s motivation is for being with them.

Just MO.