Thank you for all the kudos, I'm glad I could help.
Great advice from Bworl and Racefan.
One more question about how things started, just to get clearer:
"We went out to TGI Fridays(hate that place now!!) because we were not talking"
What were you not talking about?
To what Bworl and Jonzy are referring, becoming a friend, that's what we started out doing, as Jonzy asked her to a movie. Things seemed to be heading that way until:
1. he came over to find out she had not slept home 2.but at a strange man's house with some of her girl friends 3. condoms fell out of her bag 4. she announced she was going to file the papers
From there, we've been going dark. The messages from thereon have been very mixed.
1. she asks for his help fixing things 2. she asks for physical touch 3. she asks him to stay for dinner 4. to go eat pizza with her and her relatives who are in town
1. she becomes furious when he politely declines 2. she threatens divorce when he politely declines (which, btw is the reason I think this last time, Jonzy said the excuse about having to go to work instead of just saying no, to avoid her wrath) 3. she tells him that she has met with a lawyer and is preparing papers. 4. the previous stuff about spending the night out
This is kind of a curveball; how does he continue on the path of friendship with someone who will treat him this way when he politely declines?
I am thinking, Jonzy, maybe the best thing to do, is to calmly ask in your own words something like,
1. "I'm not understanding, why did you ask me to dinner with your relatives if you are meeting with a lawyer and preparing divorce papers to serve me?"
You need to be in a calm place so that if her emotions are volatile you can remain calm and detached, kind of like when a little child is upset, you don't get upset right? You just calmly explain how things are or calmly ask them a question.
Listen to her answer and respond from her answer. If it is appropriate, something else you can possibly say is:
2. "I thought from your acceptance of my offer of a date next week, we were starting over. But then you told me you saw a lawyer and were preparing the divorce papers, so I figured you changed your mind. But now I'm being invited to dinner with you and your relatives; help me understand why?"
If she is honest and talks about her going back and forth feelings, then maybe you can get somewhere.
But if she says something like, oh I just thought we can still be friends and there's no reason we can't rub each other's backs/invite each other to see the relatives, etc. then say
3. "OK that is fine, we can just be friends. I just have one more question: why when you invited me to stay for dinner the other day and I politely declined you became angry and announced that you will be preparing the divorce papers?"
I would listen very carefully to this answer.
Remember just stay calm and you have every right to politely say you have to go and do not let her emotions or threats rattle you, at least in front of her.
