LRT is a tricky thing. (Last Resort Technique) Because in order for it to truely work, you have to be willing to move on.
I think it is very possible to do the LRT without 'moving on'. You just need to give the appearance of having done so. I did this myself. And I think some people move on too far.
But Jack has a great point. There is an aspect of detaching that is good for your mental, emotional and relationship health. You'll find it.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
A friend of mine saw your thread and asked if I would post this from her to you:
Before you go, both have to promise to have no third person in the marriage. My H lied about this to them, and while it is an excellent program, my H was too infatuated w. OW for it to help us. I feel we did get closer that weekend and we even sat with our legs touching at dinner. We cried a lot b/c it is a deep program. It focuses on communication mainly. But, he was so deep in his MLC it didn't help us. He called OW and talked for an hour right after he dropped me off! My feeling is if spouse is in early MLC and unwilling to commit to the spouse, it won't be as much of a help.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
57 days until Retrouvaille, yes ok last night we spoke about my oldest boy. he got suspended from school yesterday, more stress. Now the thing is we sort of spoke about our misperceptions of each other. I told her I felt she had something she wanted to say after her counseling session tuesday night. And she said no and she also felt I had something to say to her. And I was like no, I was just reading my book, and that was it. Well also, she noticed I didnt wear my earrings yesterday, she asked me "what you didnt wear your earrings today. i said I forgot. Now up until this point, she really didnt notice what I was wearing or seemed she didnt even care. And then came the kicker, when she dropped me off at the metro this morning she gave me a peck on my lips. I so confused right now it is killing me.
Also when I asked her about the retrouvaille situation, she yelled at me telling me let her actions mean something to me please. because she is the one who filled out the form and sent it in. Like I said she chose one bed instead of two, so I really have to see whats going on inside her head right now.
I just got back from my conseling session, he told me im doing the right thing by hanging in there regardless what the chips are right now. He said that he is glad I found this board to vent some. So now comes the tricky part, he said from here on just continue to respect her, and pretty much make her comfortable at home so she will feel like she is in a home instead of a house. Now question she has a birthday coming up next week, do I buy her a present or just buy her a card?
You have children, get her a present from them. No 8 year old or 2 year old is going to 'buy' her something she wants, so she'll be smart enough to know it came from you.
Keep the card simple and not mushy or "We'll get past this" type of sentementality that isn't going to do anything for you. Stay away from the romantic cards, and the ones that talk about all the years you had together...it's like "I love you." you don't say that right now.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
ok will do, nothing mushy,I can do that. And also I meant to mention she wants me to take off from work and spend the day with her. So if I do this I should just treat her as a friend and thats it. No touching, or anything like that
