I read your page hopeful, and my heart goes out to you. My H also went on the "other" website which begins with a "my" and ends with a "space" ...(I know we can't 'advertise' here); anyway - the world wide web definately helps the walk away spouse quickly find their new lives but I also read in DR that an affair; even physical ones usually only last about 6 months; not that I'm minimizing them, just saying I think when it comes down to it, I agree with the book that the spouse is simply trying to be with the person that gives them a good feeling about themselves. That's why WE need to try and feel good about being around us. I guess I'm learning to look at the big picture and am trying not to let any "injustice" or my perception of it hamper the ultimate goal; reconciling. My DB coach told me to try and increase positive interactions by decreasing or eliminating anything that might cause negative emotions. That was the best advice yet. She said no matter what you say or do, ask yourself, "If I do/say____, will this increase positive emotions?" If not, DON'T say/do it! Pretty simple. My H also kind of "strayed" from spiritual stuff too but your spouse was right; her actions ARE between her and God; as tough as it is to come to terms with. You, I, and other left behind spouses have enough work on our hands to get ourSELVES where we need to be...so they will want to be with us. (added bonus!). Hang in there.
