I want to explain to him that I am going to have a lawyer write up some paperwork and if he agrees to the settlement then we will be divorced. He has no real idea this is coming and I want to let him know so that he can really think about what he is doing. Once I give that money to the lawyer, that will be it. At least in my mind there will be no turning back.
I can understand that, and you have gone through a lot. I do have a feeling that your H is maybe not expecting this or at least things to be resolved/ended like that in a month! And with some of the things he has said to you, I would probably feel the same way about wanting to give him a last chance (it sounds like you are saying?). I do think if he doesn't give up the OW, full disclosure and all that Puppy always talks about then that means your H is choosing OW over you for whatever reasons (& do they really matter)? But you have to decide what you would feel comfortable with ultimately since you have to live with this. It sounds like you aren't 100% convinced so maybe one more talk with your H telling him the consequences if he continues to choose OW? Where's Puppy? I wonder what his take on this is? Karen
Hi, Sara,
I think you need to decide -- before talking to your husband -- calmly, what your conditions are for stopping your divorce action. What are the "dealbreakers"?? This removes the emotion from the moment, especially since he is likely to beg and plead and make all kinds of wild promises to you, just to get you to back off.
For me, it was:
- no contact -- forever -- with OM, communicated via a "no-contact" letter, approved (and mailed) by me;
- quit her job (they worked together) immediately;
- get a full-panel STD test
- agree to complete "transparency": new cellphone #, with detailed billing that comes to me; leave her cellphone out for me to see any time I wish; OK to GPS her car if need be (I never did).
Your list may be slightly different, but you need to have a plan when you talk to him as to what ACTIONS (not WORDS) from him are absolutely non-negotiable.
Oh, and I'd give him no more than 5 minutes to decide. (there's a reason for this)
