I don't want to write my life story so I will try and sum it up a bit. When my husband and I first married (2 1/2 yrs ago) it was wonderful, he was attentive and affectionate, very caring. Over time his job took over and he started to become a different person. I was the one who began to take out the garbage, take care of the kids, clean etc... He stopped caring about a lot of things. After about a year of this he told me he no longer loved me and wanted to separate. We lived together for awhile after the anouncement and he became mean and condesending. While we were in the house as "friends" we did have some good times. We would hang out and watch tv, still do family stuff and dinner once in awhile, but eventually it got to be too much. The hurt was too painful so I decided to leave. I moved out on a friday (about a month ago) and basicly haven't spoken since. He hasn't called me, doesn't know where I will, hasn't asked if I am okay. Can anyone help here. Whats going on in his head and how can he be so cold?
(((Feeling))) you have come to the right place. What you are going through right now is perfectly normal, although it may not seem like it. If I may suggest, get the book The Divorce Remedy. I just received my copy, and already I feel better. Post here, the people are great and we are all going through the same thing.
No one can know what is going on in your H's head right now, and I am not going to tell you this will be easy. If I did I would be lying. But when you have others in your corner who understand exactly what you are talking about, you don't feel so alone.
Lola...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Does he have a way to get ahold of you now? Are the kids his and has he seen them? Do you have mutual friends and what are they telling you or him?
Let the dust settle. This inital phase is very normal. They want no contact, divorce, etc... then they start to think about things a bit.
Buy Divorce Remedy. Sorry you're here, but you've come to the right place.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
I have read the book and it did help a bit. My husband has a daughter and I have a son, so essentially they are step siblings. He has many ways to get a hold of me. He has my phone number and we are both on msn all day long, but he doesn't speak to me. We don't really have any mutual friends unfortunately. I do suspect there may be someone else but not entirely sure if its just a good friendship. I really am not sure what to do here.
How are you? It sounds like some game playing is going on. Do not take any chances and get Dr. Ellen's CDs also. She talks a lot about Work Widows and when husbands get lost in their work and how woman push men away when it is really not what we want. It is a typical scenario so you need to know how it feels from a man's POV.
You may need to learn some humility and focus on saving your family whilst teaching him how to respect you!!! It will be worth it in the long run though!
Good luck and update.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I will look into those cd's for sure. I went to pick up my mail from the mailbox on sat afternoon, when I pulled up I guess he heard me and he opened the door to say hi, which I found really odd considering he has made no effort at all to even be nice or caring. He made small chit chat and then I left. The night before I was out with some friends and had a few too many drinks, got home and did the drunk text. I told him I missed him and that I missed his friendship. I told him I didn't want to hate him anymore. I know I shouldn't have done it and I feel really bad about it because I basicly just handed him back his power, but I thought he would at least acknowledge it. He didn't respond or even say anything about it. I don't understand whats going on with him. We were married for 2 1/2 years and then just all of a sudden go to not even speaking. What should I do here. Should I just not even try and maybe he will come around?
well I did finally get a text back. He apologized for the delayed response and said he missed me too. We have pretty much left it at that and I don't know where to go from here. By him at least saying he missed me does that mean there is hope. Am I misinterpreting something or it that some sort of positive sign?
He said he misses you and you want to know if that's a positive sign?? Uh....yes! OK. What we look for here are baby steps. Small and very slow, yet baby steps. The drunk text probably wasn't the best thing to do...but it did open the communication lines. Maybe he was thinking you didn't want to talk to him. Maybe he thought you were mad, and he had too much pride to initiate. So, now the lines are open. Don't take advantage of this. Let him make the next move. Continue to lie low.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Oh please take Ms. Ladybug's advice...small steps. I have been where you are, and if you go too fast, you will have to start over from scratch again. It is better to take small steps to the big picture than leap over the picture entirely!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
You totally hit the nail on the head. He is very prideful and I was very angry and I am sure he didn't want to say anything in fear of rejection. Now that I have opened it up and I got the answer I wanted, its his turn. I just hope he does initiate and doesn't take the text as closure, as in him thinking now he knows I miss him and doesnt wonder anymore, so no need to keep talking.
