girlfromipanema: Does your H not have a conscious? He should feel OVERWHELMED with guilt. How could he take $$$ from you for the house you've poured your life savings into after all he's done??????????? He needs to treat you with more respect. If he wants to stay in your house, how can he continue to spend time with OW? I guess it's because he's afraid of her. Grow some cajones, Sara's husband!!!! His moral compass is completely skewed right now.
Sara, I totally agree with this, your husband hasn't grown up yet, he needs to act like a man and take some responsibility for his actions.
I don't want to tell you what to do, you will find that out in your heart. It may take you some time and some soul searching but it will come to you, take your time, its all about you.
W calling me, told D9 - I'll be back
We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.
M45 W41 M10 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me PA confirmed 03/08 no sex yet ?? let me hope !!! W moving out June 1st - 5 days
He called me today and told me that he can't see himself with the OW. He knows that their relationship isn't going to make it, but he is literally scared to end it with her.
another text book reaction. Our MC, his IT, all his friends and family, told him the woman was bad news, he even told me he couldn't see himself with her (when we were together and the sh*t hit the fan) We even talked about how she owed guns, how guilty she made him feel and how she used him. Yet, he went back to her, didn't have the guts to fight for his M, his kids. It is about being SPINELESS and about you never knowing when he is ever going to grow a pair and leave ow. He feels he owes her, and of course she has her claws deep in him.
I know you don't want to end your M, but, the sad truth is, only be him fighting hard HARD and doing 180s would you ever have a chance. My stbx came home for a yr and a half, with half attempts to fix our M, we never had a chance, he never let go of his obsession and later on his guilt about "doing her wrong" overwhelmed any chance our kids and I had over him.
There is no timeline here, no MLC "wake up" date. Much like my stbx, your H is a confused emotionally/mentally weak man, he is right about having something very wrong with him (that part reminds me of my stbx's adhd/depression).
If her really wanted to stay in the M *nothing* should stop him, not even a D. For now, you have to protect yourself.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Alright I am just going to come out and say what I have been thinking. Is this what I am hearing everyone say?
My husband does not really care about me. He is just Tm me and things to get a reaction from me. He says he wants to end it with the OW, but in reality that will never happen. Because my husband is a coward and shows no respect for me, I need to just go ahead and divorce him in order to protect myself. The best thing for me to do is to forget trying to be friends with him and just move on with my life and leave him out of it because he is only going to continue to string me along and take advantage of my kindness.
Is that what I hear you all saying or am I reading more into things than I should?
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Well, I think a lot of that is true, but I think your h is sincerely confused. I believe he does want to leave the OW, but he's afraid. I believe he does care about you, but he knows he can get away with his very bad behavior with little consequence.
I don't think anyone here would tell you to go through with divorce. No one can make that decision other than you. BUT, if you begin with paper work, it could potentially be the catalyst to let your h know that you are not going to allow him to treat you this way and it could be his wake up call.
xo,
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
Well if I start with the paper work, I will have to go through with it. It will move really fast and as long as he agrees with it, it will be over in about a month. That is why I REALLY want to talk to him. To tell him how serious I am about this. I don't think he understands that at all....
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Illinois is really, really screwy. I don't understand why you wouldn't be allowed to stop the divorce from happening. Are you absolutely sure you couldn't file something to put it on hold if things improved? I'm going to go do some research. This just doesn't make any sense.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
Well I am sure that in a "typical" divorce you could do that. But my lawyer wants to try to make a settlement with my H. I will have to pay her a large amount of money for her to write up the paperwork. Once I check over the paperwork, H comes in and if he agrees to it and signs the papers, then in 14 days the divorce will be final and he will have to leave the house. So it will be pretty quick. Now if for some reason he doesn't agree to it, then I will have to file for divorce the tradtional way and he could get support and half of my retirement. She wanted to try it the other way, to just say that we will pay him for the house in order to save me from all of that.
I want to explain to him that I am going to have a lawyer write up some paperwork and if he agrees to the settlement then we will be divorced. He has no real idea this is coming and I want to let him know so that he can really think about what he is doing. Once I give that money to the lawyer, that will be it. At least in my mind there will be no turning back.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
I think it's about your self-preservation at this point. You need to protect yourself and your future, because your husband is giving you no indication that he even cares about you or your future (even though I believe he does and he's confused and scared).
I know you say there would be no turning back once you give the $$$ to the lawyer, but why couldn't you have a change of heart if you SEE the changed ACTIONS of your husband.
I've heard a saying something like, "there are no 90 day miracles" and I think this applies, because two weeks isn't enough time for your husband to show any real changes.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
