I just think if we can make it to retrouvialle and she can hear and see people do make it back from bad situations and can repair things. When I showed her the website, she made the comment that she had no idea that people can comeback from things like this.
If you show her this place, it is a bad idea. This is your safe harbor, this is where you can vent. If you do that and she finds out, you have a fight on your hand.
There are no quick fixes Confused, if you find one, it is snake oil.
The best and crappiest news for you is she seems to be confused and conflicted. Be the man she wants in her life and when she stops being confused about her life you look that much more attractive to her.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I intend to be that man, I have no plans on giving in. But no I will never show her this place, I cant let her know any of these secrets as she is the one who is going through her issues right now. For all intense purposes, I plan on helping her get through this. And no I'm not looking for any quick fixes, and I have told her that even when we were going to marriage counseling. I'm going to stand strong, for my family even though she is not thinking straight right now. Eventually someday she will, and I will be here if GOD allows me to be. He is in control and I know that, thats why I pray often. I just hope he hears me.
Those are the success stories that you came here looking for, your definition of success is coming out of this with an intact marriage. That's not really our definition of success, not after being here for awhile.
Pick up Divorce Remedy read it, figure it out.
More background how old are your kids? How old are you and your wife?
How are you handling the OM?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Im currently reading divorce remedy. My kids are 17 my son from previous marriage. My daughter is 8 and my other son is 2. Im 38 and my wife is turning 33 in a few weeks. Well to tell you the truth, at first i was floored if you reread my post of how I found out about him. And now I just think he is in this for one thing (SEX), or maybe he is married also. I will find out sooner or later, but I already believe that they have been physical because the messages I see that she sends him. She almost acts like she is throwing herslef at him. I mean telling him thanks for calling her back, and this and that. She doesnt talk like that, and that is not her personality.
Listen to Jack, Confused. He is one of the success stories but more than that, he is very wise and very caring. He wont pull punches when they need to be thrown.
And God hears all prayers. That fact is repeated throughout scripture. And it is also said that it is in His time. He may need to see changes in you first in order to handle things that may come your way. God is more concerned with a R with you than anything else.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
I know about Retrouvaille. First off, it originated in the Catholic Faith but it really doesn't matter what religion you are or if you are super religious. What it also isn't is a money maker. They are so interested in helping couples that if you don't have the money they will pay your expenses right down to the hotel room. The other thing that is amazing is that the success rate is very high. Of course you have to consider the fact that both parties have to agree to not only go for the intilial weekend but you also agree to follow-up weekends as part of the deal. In my case they sent out paperwork for us both to fill out but they also want to speak with the WA to make sure that they agree to the conditions and that they are attending for the right reasons.
I had originally been in touch with the leader of a group in the St Louis area. She had been a WA and had gone to these sessions but originally never thought that there was much to save. She told me that it completely changed how she not only related to her husband but how she viewed her marriage and herself. Her belief in it was so great that she had been leading these retreats with her husband for the last 10 years.
So if you can get your wife to agree to all of the above, it's certainly worth a shot!
I suggest you make a plan, FOLLOW IT, monitor results. If it works, keep on doing it, if it doesnt, STOP. DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. I wouldn't use the shot gun approach...that keeps you reactive.
If you're reading Divorce Remedy, jump to the chapter on Infidelity, then the Last Resort Technique. Not all of it will apply, but some of it will.
One thought....if she's chasing this guy, it is probably going to go sour at some point. He may well break her heart. How you handle that will be very important.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
