He's "done". Period.

[7 Year Itch]

Chris, just wondering how you are doing and if you asked H to leave last night.

I hope you are doing ok.

I did, although it ended up being during the day. We were on the phone and he mentioned wanting to talk that night, and I said well I have a letter for you but I was just going to print it out and give it to you tonight. But then he said I could send it to him at work, so I did. He ended up calling me and we talked about it for about an hour. Then we talked more for a couple hours last night.

And basically the place he had lined up where he thought he'd go if we hit this time fell through. So now he has to figure something else out. I suggested that we make an agreement not to talk about Divorce or Reconcilliation and let things chill a bit. To just each work on making ourselves happy, and just viewing each other as co parents and back up for each other to be able to get out, for him to work his overtime etc. With his job, it's a very hectic schedule and he's oncall 24/7. The logistics of actually seeing the girls I think sort of hit him. I think he had thought it through, but perhaps it became more "real" to him yesterday. He does adore our girls and is a great Daddy, so I'm just prayerful that if we can truly stay out of each others ways over the next few weeks and I can do some GAL stuff and 180's perhaps he'll notice. I feel like everything is futile, but I'm still going to try. Our talk last night was actually pretty nice. Not overly emotional, and productive.

The ONLY thing that sucked and that I'm unhappy with is he is still intent on filing soon. Although he did say that he could stop it at any point along the way. I simply pointed out (and not emotionally I'm proud to say) that I sort of feel that once you start the process it can take on a life of it's own, and I feel like it would be harder to stop. To which he said "believe me if I feel anything hope or anything along the way, I'm not going to be stubborn and just keep going with it". Still wish he'd give our situation time before feeling like he has to file, but he feels like it's a step HE needs to take to feel like HE is making progress. So I'm trying to respect it and pray that the DBing works in the meantime.

I hate that our state is so easy. No required counseling, only 90 days from filing to final. I think it doesn't honor marriage at all.

Anyway. So my first GAL thing is this weekend. On Saturday I made a spa appt. and I'm getting my brows waxed and a haircut. I've been growing my hair out for months (luckily I know my DH loves long hair and has been happy I was doing this), but it's just been growing and doesn't have a real style right now.

So I'm going in Saturday and asking my stylist to "sexify" me. LOL. Hoping I'll wow him (even though I know he'll show nothing) when I come in the door Sat. afternoon.

He's working and off duty DUI job Thursday night ,so I think I'm going to plan something with the girls. Dinner out with friends or something, just to get out.

Oh, I can't remember if I mentioned that he is still going to our once "couples" counselor (who I personally think did more damage to us than good) on his own. Well, she recommended a book to him. I was skeptical, because I didn't like the others, but last night he offered it to me to read. And it actually looked pretty decent.

It's called Rebuilding After the Relationship Ends. I guess it's been around for years, but it is highly regarded I guess. Of course I immediately was like "nice, I'm reading books about saving our marriage, and he's reading divorce recovery books" but I actually was getting a lot out of it just on the first few chapters I read. So I might actually go pick up a copy. And the nice thing, it actually had a couple chapters in about reconciliation and "healing separations" etc. So it didn't seem to be all "divorce it great" in it's tone at all.

Anyway, thought I'd put that out there for anyone who might be interested in taking a peek.

Thanks for checking on me Kris. I'm hoping to get out of my Pity state here soon, so I can start being a good online buddy and checking on those of you so kind to pop in here for me.

Chris