Dode.... your prayers are appreciated and I am happy to say that they were answered. I had an awesome weekend with my kids. Some challenging moments but overall it was fantastic.
I know I experessed a lot of pain and sadness in my last post. I do this to be honest about where I am at. Experience has taught me, and I was trying to hold onto the belief that... "This too will pass"... and it did. Frankly, as far as I can remember since living a more emotionally recovering life, it always does pass.
Thanks for the backup while dealing with it.
See ya on the boards.
Chazz
Chaz,
I understand. Feelings are feelings. They are there. We need to acknowledge them and work through them.
I am at a rather sad and painful place right now. I am not sure why I am feeling this way. I just am. I am accepting it and doing things even though I am doing them feeling sad and full of pain. I really appreciate you sharing Joyce's wisdom with us.
Take Care,
NMD
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
I actually do now know why I was feeling that way. Just some random thoughts about exW and our M. I just need to keep moving.
Take Care,
NMD
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
Dode... ya... I call that the emotional hijack. When thoughts and feelings sneak up on you and steer you to an emotional place that you never expected to be and are not quite sure how you got there.
Things that your subconscious may pick up.... like a memory trigger of your past marriage or a special moment and then before you know it.... you feel sad, depressed, remorseful, or something that you did not see coming.
I get these quite frequently. Once I realize what is going on, it gives me occasion to ask myself how/why I am there. Kinda like you did.... then discover something new about how you are processing thoughts and feelings. I've been there so many times. It usually leads to healing. It is the working THROUGH a situation that we so often find answers.
Anyway... glad you are persevering. It will pass.... just keep doing what you are doing. Forward is the only direction to keep choosing.
Weekly counseling sessions, church meetings, classes, etc, to me, are of very little practical value in terms of effecting permanent change in one's self.
This is another reason this message board is helpful. Efforts that you can engage on a daily basis are, to me, far more effective in promoting change because concepts we learn do not have a chance to go stale or get choked out by everyday life.
If we revisit what we are trying to learn daily, we get better much faster... and more permanently... in my experience anyway.
I think it depends on what you do with your time in between whatever you choose to do. If you take that weekly session and reflect on it daily, it can be helpful--but you have to have the inner motivation to do the work. Most, if not all, here are doing that kind of work, I think. I think the definition of the WAS means that they do not reflect that much at all--running away and justifying is more their style.
Me, I take the almost-daily routine through many different opportunities that all seem to compliment each other.
Dode... ya... I call that the emotional hijack. When thoughts and feelings sneak up on you and steer you to an emotional place that you never expected to be and are not quite sure how you got there.
Things that your subconscious may pick up.... like a memory trigger of your past marriage or a special moment and then before you know it.... you feel sad, depressed, remorseful, or something that you did not see coming.
I get these quite frequently. Once I realize what is going on, it gives me occasion to ask myself how/why I am there. Kinda like you did.... then discover something new about how you are processing thoughts and feelings. I've been there so many times. It usually leads to healing. It is the working THROUGH a situation that we so often find answers.
Anyway... glad you are persevering. It will pass.... just keep doing what you are doing. Forward is the only direction to keep choosing.
Ciao.
Chazz
Chazz,
You are spot on there. It is a process. It is not an overnight thing. For me, loving and being in love for over fifteen years with one woman is not something I can just forget. I guess that is the curse of really being able to love someone to that degree.
Take Care,
NMD
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
Donna... perhaps my point was a little black and white. Perhaps it would be more meaningfully put, "As I have experienced it, weekly counseling sessions are of less value than efforts that involve daily work".
I would agree with you that it does indeed depend on what you do with your time between sessions. I suppose I have just seen so, so, sooo many people make cicumstancial commitments on a one-time or even weekly basis only to have to commitments and efforts choked out by the ugencies and routines of daily life or old thinking that continues to weave in or whatever.
The practice of daily building and renewal keeps growth fresh. Kinda like watering and weeding a garden daily. It has time to gather strength and build on the success of the day before. Rather than having to regain much of the ground from last week or last month or last year since the last weeding and watring.
Daily works for me and many others I have seen more often than I have seen weekly or monthly work.
I guess that was my point. But hey... it got us talkin.
being in love for over fifteen years with one woman is not something I can just forget
I know that one all to well Dode.
It is hard, if not impossible, to simply shut off the feelings you have felt for that long. Yet when they walk away from you, it seems they have done just that which makes it all the more confusing.
Am sure you have heard the saying that it is not the long fall from the top of the building that kills you, it is the sudden stop when you hit the pavement.
That is what it felt like to me. Sudden stop. Boom! All the momentum of the past just kept things moving when I suddenly stopped by hitting the wall of her ending our relationship.
The fact that she didnt even have the sensitivity to break it to me gently or get professional help unwinding what we had spent the previous dozen or so years building. Then she almost instantaneously moves on to another man... a friend.... in our family home?
(Wow.... when I typed that out I realized once again how bizzarre and painful that was).
How do they do that and not see how incredibly devastating that is to others?
I just cant relate. But fortunately I can relate to the people on these boards and that is where a lot of healing comes from.
The mere fact that we can relate to these same circumstances as one another has theraputic value like no other.
being in love for over fifteen years with one woman is not something I can just forget
I know that one all to well Dode.
It is hard, if not impossible, to simply shut off the feelings you have felt for that long. Yet when they walk away from you, it seems they have done just that which makes it all the more confusing.
Am sure you have heard the saying that it is not the long fall from the top of the building that kills you, it is the sudden stop when you hit the pavement.
That is what it felt like to me. Sudden stop. Boom! All the momentum of the past just kept things moving when I suddenly stopped by hitting the wall of her ending our relationship.
The fact that she didnt even have the sensitivity to break it to me gently or get professional help unwinding what we had spent the previous dozen or so years building. Then she almost instantaneously moves on to another man... a friend.... in our family home?
(Wow.... when I typed that out I realized once again how bizzarre and painful that was).
How do they do that and not see how incredibly devastating that is to others?
I just cant relate. But fortunately I can relate to the people on these boards and that is where a lot of healing comes from.
The mere fact that we can relate to these same circumstances as one another has theraputic value like no other.
Anyway... thanks for the reply.
Ciao.
Chazz
Chazz,
I am right there with you in all that. My Dodo exW just dropped the bomb after two C sessions in which she said nothing but she "wanted out"...........
With my exW, it blew me away how she "forgot" how I supported her emotionally and financially while she was in school.... She forgot all of the struggles we went through financially in the early years to being where we were with a home in a really nice neighborhood (unlike the crappy neighborhood exW lives in now).....
What we both need to keep in mind is these women simply care more about themselves than they care about their M or their spouse.... It SCREAMS volumes about what type of person they are....
My exW had no spine at all... The first real "bump" in the road .... She was gone..... Oh, well... Based on her actions, she was really not worth anything...... That is just the way it is...
Take Care,
NMD
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
dropped the bomb after two C sessions in which she said nothing but she "wanted out"...........
Dodo... our exes must have taken the same course. Mine too packed it in after only exactly 2 sessions that were all about how all the problems were about me. Wierd eh?
Maybe 2 sessions is enough to appease their consciences that they tried. They didnt try. They made an appearance.
Whatever. I dont wish to harp on my ex too much more. Am glad to be through it. Just amazing similarities.
