It is so confusing and I feel like I constantly make the wrong decisions and my friends and family just want me to get on with my life so I won't be hurt. I don't want to do this. I love him and really want our marriage to work, it just seems he doesn't.
Julia,
This pretty much describes everyone here, they want their marriage to work and their spouse is indifferent or completely against it, so you have come to the right place for support. It is normal for your friends to not want to see you get hurt, but if you want to fight for your marriage then by all means do so.....this is your decision.
The nice thing about DBing is that it only relies on you changing you. Basically returning you to the person you were when you got together not the needy clingy person you have become.
In general I wouldn't initiate a text message with him (even over something innocent). It will come across as needy and unattractive. It is sad but this is how they think.
Asking him about the OW is just going to push him further away. If he wants space there is little you can do aside for yourself that wouldn't be destructive. Do more things with your girlfriends, etc....this will show him you have a life too and am doing fine. If he contacts you don't immediately reply, etc....act a little dark.
Most affairs only last about 6 months (which is a short time if you are talking about being married to someone for the rest of your life). During this time they figure out the grass isn't as green on the other side. So work on you.....so regardsless of what happens you are in good shape!
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
