W is now out

[Tink]

"Meaning, by her moving out, does that automatically put me into "you should be using LRT" and not something else?"

Well yeah...she's moved out...what would come next?...this isn't the time for second-to-last resort...

Tink

[upside_downer]

"Meaning, by her moving out, does that automatically put me into "you should be using LRT" and not something else?"

Well yeah...she's moved out...what would come next?...this isn't the time for second-to-last resort...

Tink

Sorry...still waiting for my book to arrive so I understand the principles better!

[Tink]

Hi LOL it's OK. Sorry I wasn't thinking you didn't have the book. Did you order DB or DR?

[upside_downer]

Hi LOL it's OK. Sorry I wasn't thinking you didn't have the book. Did you order DB or DR?

I ordered DB. Not sure which is more appropriate?

W texted me last night and said "good night"

I didn't respond.....

[Tink]

"W texted me last night and said "good night"

I didn't respond....."

GREAT JOB! You've taken the first step to going dark!

Now when she does finally get a hold of you, remember, be polite and luke-warm and happy and busy. And don't discuss the R.

GREAT JOB, AGAIN!

DB and DR are very similar. I have only read DB but DR is the newer version so I will probably at some point read that one, although I'm expecting a lot of the same things in it, but something different.

Tink

[Tink]

P.S. And also, for you remember, don't ask about details about who or what or when or how she's doing. She may be tempted to "hint" at stuff to get your attention back. Don't take the bait! Just bite your tongue and say "That's nice."

P.P.S. And make sure YOU end the conversation first because of something you have to go do.

[upside_downer]

P.S. And also, for you remember, don't ask about details about who or what or when or how she's doing. She may be tempted to "hint" at stuff to get your attention back. Don't take the bait! Just bite your tongue and say "That's nice."

P.P.S. And make sure YOU end the conversation first because of something you have to go do.

So if she texts me again tonight, or whenever, this time I answer?

[Tink]

Don't text her anymore. Wait until she calls on the phone to find out what is going on.

And then let her leave a message and call her back the next day.

Just say you've been really busy. And really be busy! Get yourself out so you have real things to say.

Also you can keep your cell shut off a lot so when she asks about not texting her back tell her that your phone was shut off.

I think the hardest thing for you will be when she gets upset with your not being at her beckon call anymore.

What you can say is:

Look, you wanted a divorce, not me. I was willing to work on the marriage. I don't have to call you back every five seconds like we're in a marriage. I have no hard feelings, I'm just busy with my own life now.

Then there will be a pause because her mouth will be hanging open. Then you can say, Listen I wish you all the best, but I've got to go. Be well. And then hang up. And be prepared to hear back from her in about four days.

Tink

[Tink]

P.S. She may not complain at all. She may play it cool, and therefore don't start an altercation with the "Look you wanted a divorce speech."

Or she may just "complain" in a joking way, then just joke back.

Tink

[upside_downer]

I think the hardest thing for you will be when she gets upset with your not being at her beckon call anymore.

I agree. She was already upset at me for not calling her back and not really answering when she went on her vacation. She still doesn't understand the reason I didn't and still pegs it as selfishness on my part.

What you can say is:

Look, you wanted a divorce, not me. I was willing to work on the marriage. I don't have to call you back every five seconds like we're in a marriage. I have no hard feelings, I'm just busy with my own life now.

Couple things with this:

1. She hasn't decided on a D. Only S.
2. The way this is worded...doesn't it sound accusing/blaming? Saying "YOU wanted the D, not me"